Document 12788034576a
by Brainiac5
Summary: Should anyone stumble upon the writings of this unfortunate individual, let it be known that he died friendless, hopeless and useless. At least, not long ago, that was how I felt about the whole matter. My name is Querl Dox, and I am a human...
1. Entry 1

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**Entry 1-- **

Should anyone stumble upon the writings of this unfortunate individual, let it be known that he died friendless, hopeless and useless. At least, not long ago, that was how I felt about the whole matter. I suppose I should introduce myself, seeing as this is merely a text document, lacking any sophisticated form of reference.

I am Querl Dox, a former member of the Legion of Super Heroes. I am a human, although I haven't always been a member of that species. I do not feel comfortable sharing the circumstances that resulted in that transformation, and so I shall not elaborate. No, I did not undergo surgery. Stop asking questions, and allow me to continue introducing myself. I have twelfth-level intellect, and had many friends. I fear, however, I have been alienated from them due to circumstances I should have been able to control, but did not. This journal is, I suppose, a form of soul-searching-- in theory, anyway. So if there are going to be any questions, I will be the one asking them.

What is destiny? Does anyone truly have absolute control? How much influence can another have over one's mind? Why must there be pain? Why is there such a thing as guilt? How can someone so harden their heart that they do not care about anything or anyone?

The hard questions never do have easy answers. If I wondered what the relative capacity of an influx chamber combusting 195 disilicates per second was, it would be a simple matter of dividing the negative charge by the flow of anticapillates. Simple. The only way to really find the answers to the hard questions is to walk away from everything and think. There are times when I think it takes more heart than brain to really think about the big questions. But now that I'm human, I've got a lot of both-- I hope. Unfortunately, this thinking just leads to more questions.

Are emotions more than chemicals affecting cognitive response? Does anyone really control their life, or is it predetermined by genetics? If my genetics have changed, does that mean my destiny has changed?

Thus, my quest to find myself-- my true self-- if there is such a thing. I suppose my friends think I've deserted them-- they might even think I ran away from the pain. I prefer to think what I've done is exactly the opposite. I've run away from everything that could distract me, I'm facing the darkest part of me, and this time I will emerge, more victorious than before. I will have better control, better understanding. I will have answers. If I return with nothing but the answer to one of the big questions, it won't matter about the rest. I will be satisfied. I --

I lost track of time… that is unusual. I suppose this is working, if I have been thinking so hard I never noticed the time. But now my stomach is reminding me that I need more than just thoughts to sustain me…

* * *

A/N: Wow... I think this is the shortest chapter I've ever written. Hope I got the POV okay... lemme know what you think!


	2. Entry 2

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**Entry 2-- **

One thing that I may have going for me is that big questions do not always require big answers. Difficult answers, yes. But not always big-- er, big meaning long and highly convoluted, that is. (Why must I clarify to myself what I mean? Perhaps I am more confused than I originally anticipated…) Where was I, now? Ah, yes. Sometimes the biggest problems have the simplest answers, after all. The problem lies in that many expect the answer to be large and exhaustive, therefore ignoring the evidence that lies beneath their own…nose, to borrow the colloquialism.

I will not ignore the evidence before me. But I get the feeling that I'm not going to find all the answers inside me… I've seen what hides inside me now, and I'm not impressed. The problem this presents, however, is nothing if not frustrating. After all, if I can't find the answer in myself, where will I find the answer?

Again, I am faced with a difficult question, and one for which I presently have no answer.

Perhaps I should dwell on a question I might be able to answer… my Psytorian Ellipse hypothesis could do with some field testing.

I'll be back when I can face this again… And I will be back. And it will be soon, also, because these questions aren't going to leave me alone until they're answered.

* * *

A/N: Gee, and I thought the FIRST chapter was short!! Well, I just figured most people's soul-searching journals don't have to be novel-length production-- so I'm doing a chapter per sitting, and however long it ends up being is how long it is. then I edit a little, and voila! (and to anyone waiting for that horrible cliff-hanger on Past Present and Future-- curse writer's block with me, and curse it vehemently!)


	3. Entry 3

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**Entry 3**--

It is very strange, the time one has when one isn't officially a superhero anymore. It's somewhat refreshing, yet… It is also very boring. Well, maybe not boring. Frustrating, actually. Almost like knowing the answer to a math problem without being aware of how it was you came to the conclusion. Knowing there's something missing, yet being completely unable to discover what it is that is missing.

I discovered a news report on Legion activities, and I was sorely tempted to find out what they were doing. But I knew the real reason I wanted to know was my desire to find something, anything to distract me from the most difficult task of all-- learning who I am.

Who _I_ am. Not what I have, or where I reside, or even whose descendant I am. Me. Myself.

Of course I've heard the phrase 'I think, therefore I am.' But I believe it's different from that. I believe that computers think, but the difference is this-- Morality. Right and wrong. What is right, what is wrong? To animals, computers-- which do think, usually-- this thing called morality doesn't even affect how they make decisions.

So why do _people_ have this morality, this desire to do right-- and why do we fail? I can solve complex mathematical problems if I put my mind to it. But I doubt, even if I tried for a thousand years, that I could ever be perfect. I cannot control my thoughts until after I think them, and even if I never _do_ the wrong thing, just thinking of doing the wrong thing is… wrong.

And how do I know what _is_ wrong? How does _anyone_ know? Some things are so obviously wrong, but _why?_ And what does it have to do with me?

Why do we care?

Sometimes I think the frustration is more than I can bear. I never thought about these things before. Maybe I should have.

Maybe not.

Who knows?

A/N: Yaaaah! SO HAPPY! I just finished this really evil project (Where I had to stand up in front of people and give a 15 min. speech) that sucked ALL of my time... So to celebrate my finally having done it and not needing to stress aymore, I wrote a bunch on some of my original fiction, and (obviously) my fanfics... here's what I've got from it. Longer than entry 2, but shorter than entry 1... still, no one seems to be complaining... thanks for all the reviews!


	4. Entry 4

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**Entry 4**--

I went outside today.

I had not done so for at least a week. The fresh air and exercise did me good. The suspicious looks I got from passers-by did not. It's not as though I can help looking as I do, and although physically I am human, it seems that due to my coloration, other people automatically label me as an alien.

Although it seems pointless and rather confusing, it appeared to me as though they alleged that being from another planet was a bad thing. Predictably, this observation did very little to improve my disposition. Still, there were a few people who smiled at me as I walked past, and I must confess it made me feel… better.

It's very strange, the change such a simple action could ensue. Who would have thought a mere smile could do so much? A mere twitch of the facial muscles, something that takes a mere second to do…

I never realized how much it meant.

As I continued my haphazard trek through the nearby park, I caught sight of many children playing. They were carefree, happy, joyous. It saddened me, because I feel as though I will never be truly happy again.

Perhaps this, too, will pass. I have no way of knowing.

What is strangest about this experience, however, is the very fact that I would do such a thing. There is no reason to wander without purpose, there is no point in stopping to pick the small wildflowers that spring up like weeds among the grass. Yet I did. And I enjoyed it, I honestly enjoyed it…

Far more than I enjoyed staying alone in my room.

Not long ago, a day alone in the lab would be far preferable to time spent with others, or outside looking at the natural beauty surrounding me. Studying it, possibly. But simply enjoying it because it was _there_? I never believed I had time for such things.

Yet, this aimless meandering through fields of green has provided me with purpose, inspiration, desire.

Perhaps I should do so more often.

* * *

A/N: I got inspired for this, so you can expect a few more entries soon... yay! Hope it was good-- it's longer than the last two, but still not miles long... ah well. Journals were never meant to be novels anyway.


	5. Entry 5

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**Entry 5**--

I took another walk today, and engaged in an intriguing conversation with a man who had brought his children to the park. It began when I asked the children if I might assist them on the playground equipment. The man I conversed with had been speaking to another father, but unfortunately, their dialogue was cut short.

I admit to being slightly embarrassed when the other father ran over and took away his children, telling them never to trust "strange looking strangers." However, the other father simply watched for a few minutes as I helped his young boy and two girls.

After a little while, I left them on the playground and sat down on a nearby bench, watching them. It felt good to make someone else happy after I had caused so much pain. I was so intent on watching the children that barely noticed when their father sat down next to me.

"You're very good with kids," he observed, glancing at me.

I looked back at him. "I have never really done much with children," I admitted.

"You must be a natural, then," he chuckled.

"I sincerely doubt it, sir," I replied. "They are just friendly children."

The father shook his head. "No, they don't like just anyone," he insisted. "You've got a special touch."

I shook my head. "No, I don't believe so," I replied.

"Why not?" he asked.

"Because I…" I paused, wondering why exactly I did not believe I was naturally good with kids. "Because I am not naturally anything, except…" I trailed off at the last part, feeling it would be rude to say I was naturally intelligent.

"You're a natural," he insisted, and leaned back, acting as though the matter was settled.

That was the extent of our conversation. However, I have been thinking about it all day now. I do not understand why his comment made such an impact on me, yet for some reason, it has. Perhaps…

Perhaps I needed to know that my intelligence was not the only good quality I had. Whatever the reason, I have been unable to think of anything else all day.

I do not believe I will ever forget that conversation.

* * *

A/N: Yes, I'm ashamed to admit it, but this was finished on the same day as Entry 4... I just never uploaded it. Though, since I haven't been writing since Nov. 1st, maybe you're relieved that there's anything uploaded at all! Hmmm... yes, this was all part of my plan...


	6. Entry 6

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**Entry 6**--

I have engaged in a daily walk for the better part of a week now; the fresh air and exercise seems to be doing me good, physically and mentally. Though the planet on which I currently reside is not technologically advanced, the scenery is aesthetically pleasing. This fact did not particularly occur to me until today, when I noticed an artist sketching a grove of trees. For awhile, I observed him by standing several feet behind his right shoulder, however, he noticed me and invited me to sit next to him. I did so, and observed with interest as seemingly haphazard strokes converted themselves into a stylized reproduction of the scene before us.

I was just about to leave when he asked to draw a portrait of me. "I'm an art student here," he explained. "I'm supposed to be practicing portraits, because…" he shrugged his shoulders awkwardly, "Well, people are… deeper, you know? My teacher says I have a hard time getting past the surface… whatever that means. Anyway, do you mind?"

I was not sure if I minded or not, and said so.

"Oh, this won't take long," he promised, and promptly began sketching. He would glance up at my face occasionally, and then return to the sketch with vigor.

After about fifteen minutes, he looked up for the last time and grinned. "Brilliant," he said. "What's your name?"

"Querl Dox," I told him.

"Querl…Dox," he repeated slowly, hand poised to write when a thought stopped him. "Is that Querl with a K, or Querl with a Q?"

"Q," I replied.

"Dox with an X or a CKS?" he continued, scribbling down a few words which I supposed was some sort of notation, such as 'portrait of Querl Do--'.

"Dox with an X," I replied.

"Querl Dox is a cool name," he said. "I like it a lot, unlike mine. My name is _Arno Leopdl_," he said, rolling his eyes before grinning and extending a hand.

I shook it slowly. "I think I would prefer your name," I said quietly, "My name tends to alienate me."

"So does mine!" Arno said, leaning forward as he spoke. "I mean, who wants to hang out with a guy who's named _Arno_?" he was grinning as he said this, and waved his arms for emphasis.

"I don't think you understand," I told him.

"Darn right I don't! Whatever possessed my parents to name me Arno?" he cried dramatically, throwing his hands up in the air, almost dropping his sketch pad. He chuckled and punched my shoulder. "Anyway, if you'll give me some way to contact you, I can send you a copy of this." he shook the sketch pad enticingly.

After considering the matter, I gave Arno my address.

"Oh, do you want to see it?" he asked as I stood to leave.

Again, I was not sure. So, I shrugged my shoulders and replied, "I suppose so."

He handed me the pad. For a moment, I was surprised. The person in the picture seemed…haunted, sad, yet determined. He stared purposefully out from the paper, yet there was hesitance in his body language. I looked up and gave my best attempt at a smile. "It's very good," I said, wondering what my portrait might have looked like less than a year ago. Would there still be that hesitation, that haunted despair in the eyes? It was something to consider.

"Thanks, glad you like it," Arno said, grinning. He jumped to his feet and stretched. "I hope my teacher likes it," he mumbled, twisting around until his back popped.

"Thank you for letting me watch," I said, turning to leave.

"Any time, man. I'm in the dorms just over that hill," Arno said, pointing in the opposite direction. "Visit me some time. Just ask for Arno-- I'm the only one there with a name like _that_ anyway…"

"Perhaps I will," I told him, and headed back here.

I have been considering the matter for some time now, and strangely enough, I think I might just take him up on his offer.

* * *

A/N: What?! Could it be? It is! the longest chapter so far! It was actually a page and a half long in my works document! (As opposed to entry two, a whopping _third_ of a page... Anyway, hope you guys liked it, and if you did, please review. And for those of you who HAVE reviewed... Wahoo! You guys rock!!


	7. Entry 7

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**Entry 7**--

It turns out that I did not have a chance to take Arno up on his offer, because he decided to find me first. In the beginning, I left the Legion to find myself and remove myself from distractions. So, in a way, I regret telling Arno where I live. Conversely, I'm grateful he did not distance himself and forget he ever met me.

I never realized how lonely solitude could be.

When he first arrived outside my apartment, I thought he had accidentally come to the wrong residence, and nearly did not answer the door. However, he banged on it until I was afraid the neighbors would complain.

He had brought with him a sweet dessert that is popular on this planet, and told me that his professor thought the portrait was 'the greatest.' He was especially happy because he had beaten his rival, Drekk Ezlar-- who had provided the professor with an impressionistic piece detailing a severed aorta in 'all its gory glory.'

The first thing Arno did was drag me from my apartment and down to where his ride was waiting-- from there he took me to his school, determined to introduce me to all of his friends.

To be honest, I was not sure I wanted to meet them- admittedly, Arno's company was pleasant, but I was not sure how others would react to my appearance.

Arno dragged me into his dormitory and promptly introduced me to his roommate, Thaal Iwan. He was a soft-spoken, unassuming young man. I had a hard time imagining the two of them-- Arno and Thaal-- being friends. Then again, I'd seen stranger friendships.

"So anyway, I'm going to take him to meet the rest of the gang," Arno told Thaal, gesturing at me. "You coming with?"

Thaal sighed. "You didn't finish that sentence. And no, I am not coming _with_. I have to finish studying for this test." He sighed and leaned over the book, murmuring under his breath. "Colu is a rim world found when approaching the Magellanic clouds. It is the only inhabitable planet in the solar system, is the fourth planet from the sun…" Thaal scribbled down a few notes.

Arno was peeking over his shoulder, then grabbed his roommate's arm and shook it. "Oh come on! It'll be fun! You can study your precious Colu some other time!"

"It is split between FIFTY PERCENT land and water," Thaal added, "And--"

"Actually, the land percentage is forty-nine point six-four-six," I said, almost automatically. "Polar ice caps are included in the water calculation. Hence, on Colu there is a higher percentage of water than land."

Thaal waved his hand dismissively. "Yeah, yeah. Um… majority of the people live in the cities, less than one percent of the population lives outside of cities--"

"The exact percentage is point five-three-eight-six-two-one," I said helpfully.

Arno glanced at me in surprise. "You know this stuff?" he asked me.

I nodded. "Yes."

"Can you guys go, please?" Thaal sighed and wrote some more notes down on his data pad. "Okay, Coluans themselves… the people have an average intelligence level of eight, with the exception of the Dox family, who has level twelve." Thaal whistled. "Wish I had level eight, much less twelve! Maybe this would be easier…" He scribbled down a few more notes.

"Hey, isn't Dox your name?" Arno asked me.

"Coincidence," I said easily.

"Right. You aren't mechanical, so you can't be Coluan," Arno said, realization lighting his features.

"Computer," I said. "Not 'mechanical'."

He shrugged. "Same difference."

I shook my head. "No, it is very different, actually."

"Coluans have GREEN SKIN," Thaal said loudly, tossing an irritated look over his shoulder, "and are a humanoid race."

"Yeah. He's really stressed about this unit exam," Arno whispered loudly to me, shaking his head and grinning.

"Just because you don't study for _anything_…" Thaal sighed. "Now, one of the most noted Coluans is Querl Dox," Thaal continued, scribbling down some more notes. "He's in the Legion of Super Heroes…"

"Not anymore," I said, almost before I could stop myself. "It… I thought everyone had heard the news. He quit."

"He did?" Thaal asked, looking up. "Why?"

Arno sighed. "This is what happens when you lock yourself in this room for too long! Now come with us!"

Thaal shook his head. "I have to study!"

"Querl seems to know plenty about Colu," Arno said. "You can ask him stuff while we go find everyone."

Thaal sighed. "Fine." He glanced at me curiously. "Querl?"

I nodded.

"That's an interesting name," he said. "Like that Coluan. His super hero name was Brainiac Five. Did you know that?"

I nodded.

"Hey guys! Come meet my portrait model!" Arno shouted, racing off down the hallway, chasing after a group who had just turned the corner.

"Colu is really interesting," Thaal told me. "I'm studying inter-planetary relations."

"Really?" I asked.

"Yeah. So, uh, Querl… Arno said your last name is Dox?"

"Docks," I agreed. "D-O-C-K-S. Dad was a Colu nerd. Professor on the subject, off on some planet that's even less known than this one."

"So he named your Querl after Querl Dox?" Thaal asked.

"No, after Vril." I lied. "Querl kind of sounds like Vril, but my dad likes names with Q in them." That was a horrible lie. I couldn't believe that, with all my intellect, I had told a lie so incredibly awful. A child would have had no problem seeing through it, much less a college student.

"So, your name is Qweril?" Thaal asked, looking suspicious.

"Yes," I agreed, not sure what else I _could_ say.

He glanced at me, his face clearly saying '_yeah_ _, right_.' "So the name you gave to Arno that's written on the portrait is wrong when it's spelled Q-U-E-R-L D-O-X."

It was then I realized that this was a setup. Thaal hadn't _happened_ to be studying Colu when Arno dragged me into the room. He'd probably asked Arno to bring me there so he could meet the famed Querl Dox and get some sort of recognition from his professor.

In that moment, I wondered how I could have twelfth level intellect and yet be so incredibly stupid.

"Excuse me," I said, moving backwards, "I need to--"

"Man, the whole _universe_ is wondering where you are!" Thaal said, grabbing my arm. "And you're here!"

I twisted out of his grasp. "You can't tell _anyone_. Understand?"

Thaal took a step forward. "You're here, in person! I can't believe--"

I turned away and ran.

* * *

A/N: This just hit me, and I had to write it. Stormy, Saint-Ash, your stories are beta'd, but because our internet is down and I'm borrowing someone else's, my sending may be limited... I'll do what I can. This is a two-part entry, so this is my infamous cliff-hanger... ^_^... now you have to stick around to find out what happens!! -B5 (the infamous)


	8. Entry 8

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**Entry 8**--

I still do not know why I ran, only that, in that instant, I wanted nothing more than to be away from that place. I did not return to my apartment; I wandered the park for a long time. I walked and thought, and the more I thought, the more realization was pounded into my mind.

I had been _used_. Duped. I had already been used once, and I had never, ever wanted to be used again. And yet, here I was, once more running from confrontation. Running from distraction. Running from the chance of friends.

Why?

Because I was _afraid_. I am not sure when I realized this, but now it is overly clear.

As I continued running, confusion began to overtake me. I did not know if I was angry or sad-- my emotions were swirling around inside me, bringing a bitter taste to my mouth and tightness to my chest. My intestines felt as though they were being crushed, and my vision was growing blurry by the time I crested the hill where I'd first met Arno. In that moment, I wished I had never met him. I had wanted to be alone then, and now, more than ever, I wished I had never ventured from my apartment.

Swaying softly in the evening breeze, the trees, the beauty of this place seemed to mock me. I felt as though they were telling me that I did not belong here, an ugly stain among the innocence and splendor of nature.

Slowly I sank to my knees, staring out at the sun. I watched as it slid down behind the trees and whispy clouds. The light began to fade, turning the sky a brilliant, blood red. The clouds appeared as spun gold, and for not the first time, I knew I was an outsider, out of place in a world of peace and beauty. I felt something wet trail down my cheek and glanced up, expecting to see rain clouds, but the sky was clear. I wiped the drop away and realized another was sliding down the other side of my face. My breath caught in my throat, and I sniffled. For some reason, my nose was (to borrow the colloquialism) running.

I buried my head in my hands and sobbed, --for that, I realized, was what I was doing-- crying because I was alone, because I was angry, because I was _Querl Dox_, when I would rather be anyone else in the entire universe.

Fortunately, the story does not end here; for as I sat there, wallowing in misery, who should come along but Arno and his co-conspirator, Thaal.

"There he is!" Arno shouted, running up the hill, puffing with exertion. "See? I told you he would be here!"

"Yeah, after you told me he would be at his apartment, and at that restaurant, and over by the playground…" Thaal snorted. "It was a lucky guess." He was gasping for breath also.

Arno walked over and plopped down next to me while I hastily wiped away my tears. "So, you hungry?" he asked.

I was unsure of what he meant by that, until he handed me the sweet pastry he'd bought to share in celebration of his successful portrait.

"Anyway, I guess we owe you an explanation, then you can decide to hate us and not speak to us ever again, or whatever," Arno continued.

I had no time to respond, because Thaal began speaking, seating himself on my right. "You see, you… Well, when I saw Arno's portrait, I freaked. Because I recognized you."

Arno sighed. "I'm still not sure how you recognized him-- you showed me those other pictures, and I didn't really see--"

" Well, yeah, the eyes were different, but I could tell it was you!" Thaal insisted, looking at me. "Besides, I'd heard that something had happened to you, and you had left."

"So you can imagine how shocked he was when he found out you were here," Arno said. "Y'see--"

He was cut off by Thaal. "I _freaked out_. Really, seriously, freaked out."

"He was screaming, and I'm like, 'what? what?', but all he did was keep screaming things like, 'he's here'…" Arno laughed. "He's like a crazy man when he's excited."

"Brainy--" Thaal stopped. "Can I call you that?"

I shrugged, but Arno was already babbling again. "So he freaked out, and then he begged me to introduce him to you, but he was too nervous to go to your place, so I had to bring you there."

"And I handled it bad," Thaal moaned. "I should have just said it straight off, that I knew you were Brainaic 5."

That would have been nice, but I honestly think that it would only have hastened my rapid retreat. "It probably would not have made a difference," I told him, still staring at the grass instead of facing him.

"Anyway, I'm sorry if we made you mad," Arno said. "But you see, Thaal hasn't stopped talking about you since the day he arrived here."

I blinked several times, surprised.

"Yeah, he's right." Thaal agreed. "You see, brainy, you're like… my hero," Thaal admitted. "I first found out about you three years ago, after the whole mess with the sun-eater. I thought it was awesome that someone without superpowers could still make it in a superhero team. So I tried to learn whatever I could about you."

"That wasn't an easy thing to do, find out all about you-- especially since you're a-- you _were_ a Coluan," Arno said. "They really aren't a very talkative race, are they?"

"No," I admitted, "they are not. Not at all."

"But I did what I could with what I had," Thaal said. "When I found out about Brainiac, well… I thought you were even cooler--"

"You knew about Brainiac?" I asked him.

"Um, yeah," he said. "It took a lot of work, but… well, I managed to squeeze out a lot of information from the Coluans. Of course, I did tell them I would use it to destroy your reputation so that you would have nothing left to do but return to Colu, but…" he shrugged. "Can you believe they believed me? I mean, for level eight intellect, the high council sure seemed gullible…"

I had trouble believing what I was hearing. "You spoke to the high council?"

Thaal shrugged. "More or less. I sorta' impersonated a reporter for a news source that's highly credible…"

Arno sighed. "He didn't _'sorta_' impersonate nobody. He hacked into the news company's files and created an alter-ego which he used to find out more about you. He also wrote a few scathing articles about the lousy security on Takros-Galton."

"Villains break out of there so many times, it practically has a revolving door!" Thaal exclaimed. "Seriously!"

I was still trying to decide what Arno had meant when he invoked a double negative.

"So anyway, he decided to pursue a career in interplanetary…something." Arno shrugged. "And I'm just his humble artist roomie who has to listen to him babble on and on about the Legion, day in and day out."

"Back to Brainiac," Thaal said, "I thought it was really cool that you became a hero to, in a sense, undo what your ancestor did," Thaal grinned, turning to face me.

"I failed," I told him. "All I did was make things worse."

"That's not true!" Thaal snapped. "And you know it! Think! I thought you had level twelve intellect!"

" I do," I replied.

"Then you should know that there are hundreds of people all through the _universe_ who believe that they too can escape from a dark past and make a difference for the side of good!" Thaal snapped. "So enough with the pity party, already!"

"It is _not_ a pity party!" I replied, a bit more forcefully than I had intended.

"Well then what is this? You seclude yourself on an absolutely unknown planet, don't talk to anyone, and expect the universe to just move on and forget you? No way!" Thaal glared at me, folding his arms.

Arno cleared his throat and lifted the box he'd brought. "Anyone want a piece of this?" he asked, dispelling any tension that had been building.

"Sure," Thaal said lightly. "A big piece, please. I'm hungry."

I accepted a small piece myself and ate it slowly, savoring the flavor and sweetness. Meanwhile, Thaal gulped his down with vigor.

Arno ate the rest of it in five large bites. "So," he said, his mouth still half full, "Thaal, this is Querl Dox. Querl, this is Thaal. I'm sure you're both very glad to meet each other. This meeting is to celebrate my portrait, and-- wow! That sunset is amazing!" Arno dropped the now-empty box, whipped out a sketch pad and began scribbling frantically.

I couldn't help smiling.

Thaal held out a hand. "So, am I forgiven?" he asked.

I waited a moment, then took his hand. "Yes," I agreed.

"Nice to meet you, Querl," Thaal said, grinning and shaking my hand. "I hope we can be friends."

"Yes," I said slowly, "That would be nice."

* * *

A/N: I'm pretty sure I got the prison/planet name wrong, so go ahead and laugh. Then review! Also, sorry it took so long to update, life became busy and I finished it the day after the last update, but now it's finally here! (I will probably never do a two-part entry again-- it's too harrowing! Imagine if I forgot to update for a month! you'd have my throat!) *glances around nervously for killer ninja hired by irritated FF readers* Anyway, hope you liked it...

PS: Yay! Emo Brainy!! (I've been waiting FOREVER to get to write an emo Brainy sequence...) :) ...It's because I'm sadistic...


	9. Entry 9

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**Entry 9**--

It's been a few days since I last wrote in this document. Admittedly, it was probably not the wisest decision I ever made; after all, I cannot make headway on finding myself if I never take the time to try and do so. Still, I could not help but feel disinterested in the idea of journaling. In all honesty, I not only felt disinterested in writing, I did not wish to write at all. I wanted to have fun.

Before I became human, I could not understand why my fellow legionairres would wish to waste their time on unimportant activities instead of working-- now I struggle to undertake activites that seem tedious. Oddly enough, inventing and scientific study does _not_ seem tedious to me-- which I had expected, and had prepared to force myself to focus. Instead, I find it a bother to write in this document, to walk places, to eat.

I could get so much more work done if I didn't have to walk to the lab! (Strange. I believe this is the first time I have used an exclamation point when expressing my sentiments.)

When I refer to the lab, I mean to infer the school lab I have access to, thanks to Thaal, who somehow acquired a key (I dare not ask how). Not once has someone questioned me as to whether or not I have the authority to be in the lab -- I suppose they believe me to be a student doing extra-credit work. All in all, I am extremely grateful for Thaal and Arno; if I hadn't met them, I might have descended into madness at the sheer humdrum flow of civilian life.

How does one survive without saving the universe at _least_ once a week? I'm not sure, but I suppose this is why people are so desperate for entertainment. The only thing more life-enriching than entertainment is a threat of annihilation…

I write this with sarcasm, though it is difficult to detect such subtleties in writing.

And in this, I discover another intricacy of my mind I had not detected. My style of writing seems to have changed over these past few weeks; I do not know if this is simply my mind adjusting to its humanness, or simply my recovery from the shock of losing myself into the will of another.

I wonder if Brainiac can harm me now that I am human.

And again, the intricacies of my writing confound me! As I write, I find that my mind wanders more than what was normal to me a mere week ago. Perhaps, in part, this is because I am not so wrapped up in my thoughts and feelings, but am able to feel and touch those around me. Perhaps this is what humanity is, is meant to be…

A human is not meant to be alone.

Since I have now reached a discovery about myself, I can, for the moment, unabashedly abandon this text document and join Thaal and Arno. I fear they will sorely damage the door they are currently pounding upon with vigor, though it is not only for this reason I have decided that I shall agree to their demands and join them for dinner this evening.

It should be fun._

* * *

_

A/N: Wow, this took a long time to write... I had an idea, and then it died, and so I wrote this instead. Sorry nothing has been updated, life has been waaaaay too busy lately. Thanks to all the faithful reviewers who take the time to read what little I have updated. Hope it's good.


	10. Entry 10

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**Entry 10**--

"That's not how you do that."

What a strange way to introduce one's self. I could not help thinking that it was a rather rude statement, but in the same way, I was glad that she had gotten to the point immediately. _She_ was a student in the lab, and she had been observing me in a not-so-timid manner for the better part of an hour.

"Not how I do what?" I asked, setting down my data pad, which I had been taking notes on a moment earlier.

"That…thing!" She exclaimed, pointing at my most recent project. "There's something wrong with it, I'm sure of it! You've butchered our technology!" Her green eyes flashed in anger, and her hair bristled slightly as her emotions grew more intense.

I frowned slightly, confused. "What do you mean, 'our' technology?"

"Do you have authorization to make use of the tech in storage?" she demanded, folding her arms.

I repeated my question. "What do you mean by using the word 'our' before technology? The technology is shared between yourself and an unknown number of others?"

"It's the _school_ tech. You're not a student!" She exclaimed, pointing a long finger at me.

"Thank you for answering my question," I said simply, picking up my data pad and glancing at my notes. I made a simple notation and glanced up when the girl poked my shoulder.

"You're what, twenty?" She demanded when I looked up.

I shook my head, but felt no need to clarify.

"Then you shouldn't be in here. Haven't you read the age restrictions?"

"I simply said that I was not twenty. I did not say I was _younger_ than twenty," I said irritably, glancing back down at my data pad.

She knocked the pad from my hands. "At least do me the honor of looking at me when I'm speaking to you!"

"I did not ask to be spoken to," I told her. "Please leave me alone. I am trying to work."

"Oh yes," she snarled, "I can see you're trying to work on a…" She frowned and leaned over the table, eyeing the contents critically. "What is this?"

"A project," I said. "It shouldn't interest you any."

"This has some very odd magnetic influx conductors," she told me, looking closer.

"I know," I replied. "I'm building it." I bent down to pick up my data pad, but she swooped it up first and began eyeing my notes.

"What is this?" she demanded a moment later. "Who are you?"

"I am a student," I told her, "Of many sciences."

"These are time travel equations," She told me. "What do you think you're messing with? Do you think you've got level ten intellect or something?"

"No," I told her. "I know I don't have level ten."

She folded her arms. "Well, whatever level intellect you have, you should be smart enough to know you need authorization to use this tech."

"I can pay for it," I said. "It's simpler to get it from here, though. I don't have the tools I need where I live."

"You can pay…" she frowned. "You can't pay for this equipment! It's expensive!"

"I can pay for it," I insisted. I can, too. I have plenty of funds at my disposal, thanks to the patents for my hundreds of inventions that I _didn't_ use in the Legion.

"Who are you?" She repeated.

I was trying to think of a way to avoid her questions when the lab door sprung open, slamming into the wall with a crash. Thaal swaggered into the room, shouting at the top of his lungs. "Brainy? Where are you?" he demanded. "I need help with my biology project, and Arno doesn't even know the difference between a bacterial and viral infection!"

I sighed. She stared at me, surprise causing her eyebrows to shoot upward. "Brainy? As in Brainiac Five?"

What was it with people on this planet and their obsession with me? Was I really this famous everywhere else in the universe, or did I simply have enough bad luck to settle on a planet where I am enormously popular?

"Brainy? Oh, there you are," Thaal said, walking over. "Whoa, what is all this?"

"Temporal mechanics, apparently," she said, glancing at me with a "_so _that's_ why you're so smart"_ look on her face.

"Not at all," I said smoothly, my mind leaping ahead of me to form a new, less intelligent-sounding project. "It's a sophisticated butler-bot prototype.'

She frowned. "Butler-bot?" Thaal, who stood behind her, made a face.

"Indoor robotic servant," I explained. "it should look humanoid when I'm done. It'll be perfect for my father's mansion."

"M-mansion?" she repeated, stuttering slightly.

Thaal looked confused. _'Mansion?' _he mouthed from behind her.

"Yes," I said. "I told you I could pay for the tech. My family is rich enough to afford anything."

'_Rich?' _Thaal exclaimed silently, _'Family?!'_

He looked like a fish that had been pulled out of water, his mouth opening and closing spastically. I laughed. I couldn't help it. He just looked… funny. Amusing. Humorous. Funny.

"What are you laughing about?" she demanded.

"Thaal," I said, "I will help you with your biology project. It's no problem."

"Wait!" She cried, waving my data pad, "You still haven't told me whether you have authorization--"

"Cselia," Thaal said quietly, firmly, "He has my authorization."

Cselia blanched. "O-oh…" she said quietly. "All right, then."

This sudden submission warranted an explanation. I looked at Thaal, waiting for an explanation. He pretended that he did not notice my confusion, because he blushed slightly, coughed suddenly and grinned nervously at me. "Anyway, um, let's get a look at that Biology progect, huh?" He suggested uncomfortably. "It's really confusing-- I'm supposed to defining a bacterial flagellum, and I don't even know what a flagellum is!"

I wondered what he was hiding, but decided to leave him alone for the time being. Maybe I would ask Arno about Thaal-- he was bound to know something. That decided, I followed Thaal to the room he shared with Arno and spent the next hour trying to explain a flagellum. Then I returned here, and wrote down what happened in the hope that it would make more sense.

It doesn't.

* * *

A/N: Well, I was originally going to keep this hidden away for awhile, but I just wrote two more chapters, and I figured out where the story is going from there, so I uploaded this a little early. (though I hope the celebration wasn't premature...) Anyway, hope this chapter was as enjoyable as the first! My OCs are ending up more important to the plot than I originally intended... I can't wait for the next few chapters; I really like where the story's going! (Aw, and now I have you guys all excited but I haven't uploaded anything more. I'm horrible, aren't I?) Anyway, please review if you like it, or review if you don't and tell me why, I appreciate any input. Glad the grammar's been okay so far-- I haven't seen any complaints, I don't think. (Murphy's law dictates someone will find a grammar issue either in this one or the next, it serves me right...) Well, I guess this is probably enough rambling. Please stay tuned-- there should be more soon! (And this time I really mean it... I can't get writer's block on something that's already written.)


	11. Entry 11

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**Entry 11**--

"If you want to know about Thaal, you should probably ask him yourself," Arno said around a mouthful of food. "He'd tell you." he scooped up the final bite of food off his plate.

I shrugged. "He didn't seem particularly excited about telling me when I asked the first time."

Arno shrugged. "Second time usually works," he told me, eyeing my half-full plate.

I shook my head and scooted the plate across the table towards him.

"Third time?" Arno tried again, taking a bite of my lunch.

I shook my head once more. "The fifteenth."

"You've asked him fourteen times?" Arno asked, amazed. "Don't you know when to give up?"

I nodded. "I know when to give up, I simply choose to continue asking despite the odds."

Arno frowned. "Well, all I know is that he's fascinated by Brainiac Five-- er, you,"

I shook my head frantically.

"Uh, no, I mean, um, Brainiac Five, who, y'know, _isn't_ you." Arno blushed and took a big bite of my food.

I grinned. "That's all?"

"Well, that and he's a very articulate writer," Arno said. "And he thinks my name is cool, even though everyone knows it isn't."

"That's all you know," I mused, finding it hard to believe that he'd lived with Thaal for a year and knew nothing more about him than his fascination with me and his apparent talent for writing.

"He never talks about his family, and I've never heard of them contacting him," Arno explained. "Whenever there are vacations, I invite him to come with me, or else he just stays alone at the dorms."

I frowned. "So you don't know anything. Do you know anyone who might know about him?"

"Well, he and his foreign cultures professor are pretty close. They both hang out after class and enthuse about Colu… they're both total 'foreign culture' freaks. And since Colu is pretty isolated…" Arno shrugged, taking another bite of my food. "It's probably one of the most foreign cultures in this century."

I nodded in agreement. "What's his professor's name?"

Arno shrugged. "Um… Professor?"

I sighed. "That's not very helpful."

"I try," Arno smirked, scraping up the last bite on my plate and then glanced at me. "Um, do you want this?"

"Go ahead," I told him. "I don't eat much."

"I noticed," Arno said. "Little man, you're never going to grow if you don't eat."

I blinked. "Little man?" I repeated.

"Yeah," Arno said. "I mean, face it. You're what, Five foot eight?"

"Five feet, eight inches, six centimeters and eighteen millimeters," I clarified.

"Whatever," Arno said, "Point is, you're short."

"I wasn't aware of the fact," I said.

"No?" He asked.

"I'm taller than some," I told him, feeling slightly miffed.

"Yeah, whatever," Arno said. "For a human-- even a human with green skin -- you're not exactly average height."

I blinked several times. "What's your point? I should be average?"

Arno frowned. "No, not that, just…" he wrinkled his forhead in thought. "I'm not really sure where I'm going with this."

"Nor am I," I said. "So long as I have a sufficient calcium and phosphorus intake, I should grow as tall as my genes dictate."

"Okay then," Arno said. "I should remember that. I need calcium and phosphate to help me grow!"

"Phosphorus," I corrected him.

"Isn't that the stuff that glows in the dark?" Arno asked. "Why do I need that?"

I sighed. "Never mind."

"So, who's paying for lunch?" Arno asked, giving me the _'I'm a poor college student and I'm strapped for cash_' look.

"I'll pay," I offered.

"Thanks, pal," he said, grinning. "I don't think this place is too expensive."

"No," I said, "It should be a small sum."

Arno frowned thoughtfully. "Maybe if you buttered him up," he said.

"What? Oh, you mean Thaal," I said, realizing that he had returned to our original conversation.

"Yeah. He's totally fascinated in Colu, maybe if you gave him some insider opinions or something like that, he would feel like opening up more."

I frowned. "I've already 'opened up' to him more than I have with most people. I don't know what else to try."

"Have you told him how you feel?" Arno asked me.

"I would, but I'm not sure I even know how I feel. The emotions I'm experiencing now are so much more intense than before," I told him.

"Tell him that," Arno said. "If he sees you're being honest with him, it might encourage him to be honest with you."

"I would, but he's been avoiding me," I explained. "I've tried to contact him eight times without success."

Arno frowned. "That's odd. I haven't heard you trying to contact him on our--"

"I think he's erasing my messages. I try and call when you're in classes and he's in the room," I explained. "For privacy."

Arno frowned. "Oh. Weird."

I nodded in agreement. Shortly after, we parted ways. I returned to this apartment, and I've been considering my actions.

Perhaps I was being too…pushy. Maybe I was trying too hard to get him to talk. I would hate to damage our friendship, yet I fear this is exactly what I have done. Worse yet, I'm not sure how to fix the damage I've done.

Interpersonal relationships are much more difficult to understand than mathematical equations.

* * *

A/N: Well, I was going to wait on this, but then I got two gigantic inspirations on the direction this story will take, so I updated ahead of schedule! All I can say for sure is watch out for more emo brainy, crime syndicates and countless conspiracies!! (Well, okay, maybe _two_ conspiracies...) Plus, I might just be adding some fun new characters to cheer up our journaling friend-- but I'm not sure yet. Thaal has to get back to me on whether or not he'll share... ^_^ Thanks for all the faithful reviews, hope you guys like what's coming up!


	12. Entry 12

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**Entry 12**--

I didn't mean to make him angry. I simply did not understand what I was doing. How can I be expected to empathize with other humans when I myself am still struggling to understand my own humanity?

I'm not sure I ever want to leave this apartment again.

I never realized how hurtful words could be. Now I feel as though words are the most horrible, deviously conceived weapon in the universe. How thoughtless, how cruel, how damaging mere vocalizations can be!

Why did I leave this place? I should have remained isolated. Perhaps I would have come to understand myself and others better, I could have avoided the pain, the damage I have created. I left the Legion to learn about myself, to keep myself from hurting people. Instead, I find that no matter where I go, I will always hurt someone!

Perhaps the universe would be better off if I were incapable of hurting people. I don't know. I can't feel. A distant aching fills my body, but I don't care. I simply do not care.

Perhaps this is apathy. Perhaps this is pain.

This is agony.

This is torture.

This is isolation.

I wish it could end…

* * *

A/N: See? Emo Brainy, right on schedule! Stay tuned to find out... WHY Brainy is emo, HOW it happened, WHO caused his misfortune, WHAT he's going to do about it, WHEN he's going to get over it, and WHERE it's going to happen!!! (Yeah! The 5W's and an H-- check it out!!)

Okay, random. Anyway, I can't wait for this next part, I integrated another idea I had that was originally going to be a different fic, but I figured too many post-season-two fics might confuse my poor little brain. Please review if you have a problem with the fic, it's probably because I saw only half of season one and three episodes of season two. (Two of which I caught on youtube...I'm trying to watch more, but...) Anyway, review!


	13. Entry 13

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**Entry 13**--

I realize that expressing experiences in this document has assisted me in understanding and releasing the maelstrom of emotions that clutches at me. Since I have found this to be helpful, I will attempt to express, with the help of my memory and a hint of detachment, the conversation --no, the confrontation-- between Thaal and myself.

I attempted to contact Thaal from a communication device in the lobby of the dorm he and Arno stayed in. When, as usual, he did not answer, I decided that I would have to find him and speak face-to-face. Arno had given me a key, and so I went up to their room and unlocked the door.

Of course, Thaal was displeased that I had chosen to enter uninvited.

"You--? get out!" he shouted, throwing his DocReader on the floor.

"No," I said simply.

He sat up straight and glared at me. "Fine. What do you want?"

"I'm not sure how to define the way I am feeling," I said, sitting on the only other piece of furniture in the room, a rather uncomfortable chair.

"That's nice. Go talk to Arno," Thaal said. "I need to study."

"I think I'm hurt," I said. "I don't understand what I've done to alienate you, and I wish I could take it back."

"It isn't you," Thaal said, "It's me."

"What about you?" I asked.

"Everything! It's… I…" Thaal shook his head. "You wouldn't understand."

"Wouldn't I?" I asked.

"No, you wouldn't." Thaal insisted. "At least you can run away."

"Run away?" I asked, confused.

"Your past doesn't haunt you at every turn!" Thaal shouted. "You make becoming a hero look so easy!"

"Look easy-- wait, my past?" I felt confused. "What do you--"

"You think you're _so horrible_ just because your ancestor was a super villain!" Thaal shouted. "You don't know what you're thinking!"

"My mother is a villain also," I said in my defense. "And I nearly destroyed the universe myself."

"See? You think you have it bad, just because--"

"I never said--"

"And you throw this pity party, like you're the only one in the world with a dark past--"

"I didn't--"

"Go away! You make me mad just looking at you!" Thaal snapped.

"Thaal--"

"You're a sprocking genius, Brainy!" he roared. "Why can't you clue in? I don't want to talk to you!"

"You--"

"Get _OUT!_" he snarled. "I don't want to see you! I don't want to talk to you! Just go away!"

"Thaal--"

"Don't ever say my name again! Go away! I never want to see you again!"

"Please--"

He jumped to his feet and shoved me out of the chair. I fell backwards and tumbled to the floor, stunned. His face was bright red and he kicked me. I heard a crack and felt a burning sensation in my costal region when his foot connected. I scrambled to my feet, trying to ignore the pain.

"Get out of here!" he howled. "Just leave me alone!"

"I don't know why you're angry, Thaal!" I shouted back, feeling a burning, clenching feeling in my abdominal cavity. "I don't know why you think it's okay to hit me, yell at me, and treat me like garbage. I thought you were my friend! I thought I was _your_ friend! If this is how humans treat their friends, maybe I was wrong for wanting to be human! Maybe I should go back to Colu!"

"You should! We never wanted you anyway! The Legion would have been just fine if you'd never left your precious hive mind!"

"Oh, really?" I screamed. "You think so? How do you figure?!"

"Because then they wouldn't have had to stop you from _digitizing_ the entire universe! You would have been held back by your own people and no one would have been hurt!"

It felt as though the world stopped. I knew he was right; I'd always known it. If I had never left… I found myself at a loss for words; I felt as though all the air had been knocked from my lungs.

"It's your fault the universe was almost destroyed-- and you have the audacity to blame it all on Brainiac," Thaal hissed. "If you hadn't _let_ him take control, none of it would have happened!"

My mind was reeling as I departed. I don't remember saying anything after that; I don't even remember leaving the room. I couldn't tell if I felt angry, sad or guilty… I didn't know, and I didn't care. I still don't know. I feel numb; I'm not sure what to think, to feel. I don't understand any of this, and I don't think I want to.

I want to die.

This was all my fault.

* * *

Ah, a not so emo explanation chapter... bwahaha! So now we know what happened, and all that other stuff. Yay!


	14. Entry 14

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**Entry 14**--

I wish I could say I am writing because the trouble between Thaal and myself has reached a conclusion. However, if I wrote words to that effect, it would be a lie. There has been no resolution between the two of us. I have not left my apartment in four days; I locked the door and encrypted it with enough security protocols to give even myself trouble entering.

I think Arno has tried to contact me eighteen times, but I removed my communicator, so I wouldn't know for certain. Although the attempted calls would be enough, I think Arno has knocked on my door five times during the past three days-- I did not notice anything the first day; I was too horrified to do anything but write, and cry. I never knew how freeing a good cry was. Still, crying does not seem to alter the situation, and so it does little good to mend the friendship that had, until very recently, been developing nicely. In a way, I feel bad for Arno. He did nothing to offend me, or trouble me, and yet somehow I feel he has become involved in the conflict between Thaal and I. I wish there were a way to tell him this was not his fault-- for I am sure he blames himself for connecting the two of us in the first place -- however, as I have no way of communicating with the world outside without leaving the apartment (and I do not wish to leave), speaking with Arno would be difficult.

I worry about Thaal; I still do not know why he was so angry with me. True, I had probably come across as pushy and annoying, but I had not foreseen such anger over a little nagging. Then again, it seems Thaal cares very much for his privacy; perhaps inquiring about his past was more taboo than I initially supposed. The problem with having the "skeletons" in your "closet" revealed is that you forget what it feels like to keep the "skeletons" "bottled up" in your figurative closet.

When I am not worrying about Arno or Thaal, mostly I worry about myself; I ache in my joints, I find that no matter where I sit, or lay down, or what I wear, or don't wear, I cannot for the life of me feel comfortable. I find myself trembling with chills at times, while sweating profusely. I have taken a blood test and swabbed the back of my throat, and have been unable to locate any sort of foreign material; bacteria, viruses and the like. I can only assume, then, that there is something wrong with my mind. Perhaps from lack of sleep, or too much stress, or a chemical imbalance. All I know for certain is that something is terribly wrong with me, and I'm not at all sure what it is. Whatever it is, it seems to be getting worse, and I hate that I don't know what it is. In this apartment, I am shut out from any medical or scientific facilities to determine what the problem is. Still, I'm not sure I would want to know what is wrong with me, even if I _did_ leave my apartment.

Maybe I will die; I confess that death seems to be the simplest solution to my troubles. If I am dead, I do not think I would be able to worry about Thaal anymore. I would not feel anything anymore; in this sense, I envy the dead. But there would be no chance to make amends, to "patch up" any relationships I have left dangling like a half-conceived theory. Death, at this time, is cowardice; I am not a coward. Still, I cannot help wishing I had an advanced lab in which to do _something_-- I find myself growing more restless as the day wears on. I have tried reading, but I cannot seem to maintain concentration.

Hopefully this will be over soon; I don't know if I can withstand the solitude for much longer.

* * *

A/N: Erm... I guess the only thing I have to say about this is that you won't find out about Thaal 'til chapter 22, or maybe 21. I've expanded things I thought would only take one chapter-- now it looks like it'll take three... AUGH! BRAINY, YOU HAVE TOO MUCH TO SAY!!! Anyway, stay tuned!

Another A/N: It looks like another short chapter...


	15. Entry 15

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**Entry 15**--

I must be infected with _something_.

My head throbs with every heartbeat, I can barely maintain control over my limbs. I am sleeping nearly eighteen hours a day, and yet I awaken exhausted. I am not eating, though I am forcing myself to ingest fluids. Fifteen minutes ago I began coughing, and when I was done, there was blood in my mouth, most likely from my lungs. I seem to be developing a slight rash on my face and hands-- I had believed them to be the dreaded "zits" at first, but when my symptoms intensified, I realized that the small, painful bumps were not caused by impurities in my facial pores.

And still, when I attempt to search my blood for pathogens, I find _nothing_.

I am beginning to wonder if I am sane. I can barely think over the throbbing in my head, and even as I write, I can barely keep my eyes open.

I wonder if I really will die; perhaps I should leave my apartment and seek help, though I am not sure if the assistance I require is for physical or mental distress.

I feel light headed, now. I find it difficult to concentrate enough to write; I'm not sure what exactly I should be doing.

Perhaps I should bgtfv6gfvb5rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

_-auto shutoff initiated-_

* * *

A/N: I dropped my head on the keyboard to make the final gibberish. The first time, all I did was hurt my forehead-- it didn't even make any marks! ...so I set my head on the keyboard, and that's what came out, but I lifted it sooner, so then I just wrote a bunch more 'r's in a line. I lifted my head after the, um... probably the thirty-fifth, but I didn't count, exactly.

More chapters soon! Thanks to everyone who reviews!

I LOVE writing from a sick person's POV... it's sort of a way to express the way I feel after I'm sick, so I'm always very melodramatic when it comes to killer bugs like bacteria and viruses... ahhh, the creepy crud. Gotta' hate it...


	16. Entry 16

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**Entry 16**--

The experiences of the past few days have taught me two valuable lessons. First of all, I have learned that I should never lock myself inside my own apartment --especially if I am about to suffer from a debilitating disease-- as it could lead to an untimely death.

The second lesson is this-- if I ever have an argument with a friend and unexpectedly suffer from a possibly deadly disease, there is a high likelyhood that they will forget all about the argument, at least until I am well.

I owe my life to Arno Leopdl, literally, not figuratively. Though I am a bit miffed that he broke down my door, apparently I was the one who asked him to do so. I do not remember doing so. Then again, I did not remember writing the previous entry in this document. Apparently, despite my fever, I managed to build a sort of communicator using a microcomputer and several intercom microchips installed in the doorframe. I then contacted Arno and asked him to come to my apartment; at least, this is what Arno has told me.

However, at the time I called, Thaal was the only one in their shared room. When he heard my voice, he apparently felt guilty-- especially since I sounded on the verge of collapse. Which, in actuality, I was. Thaal found Arno and the two of them rushed to my apartment, where Arno explained that I had installed security protocols and locks on the door.

After Thaal tried for half an hour to break the codes, Arno knocked the door down by running into it shoulder-first. I wish I had been conscious for the dramatic entrance, but I had already slipped into a semi-conscious state resulting from the disease that was running rampant through my body.

Arno and Thaal rushed me to the nearest medical center, and the doctors there quickly transferred me to a specialist on the opposite side of the planet. According to the specialist, if Arno and Thaal had waited another two hours, I would have been beyond help.

I now have all the vaccinations a human child receives at birth, in addition to several vaccines they receive when they are older. While I have a fully functional immune system, there are a mere twenty-five antibodies present in my bloodstream. Coluans don't get sick, especially not from a strain of concelaraemajor, the 'well hidden' virus. This virus is so small it is nigh impossible to detect, even with the sophisticated technology of the thirty-first century. I am still confused as to how I contracted this disease; concelarae infections are common only in slums and on lesser developed planets. Most children are vaccinated for this disease at birth, but then, at birth, I was a Coluan and did not _need_ the vaccination-- concelarae major has been completely eradicated on Colu.

I hope such an occurance does not happen again-- I have a vehement distaste for pathogens that attempt to disable my fairly new immune system. Thaal should be here in five minutes; together we will learn where I managed to contract the concelarae virus. Hopefully we will be able to 'make up'… I want to be friends again.

…I can only hope that Thaal wants this also.

* * *

A/N: hmmmm... I can't think of anything to say about this chapter. SO! I will share the fact that I have a Brainiac Five playlist when I write. I think I'm going to start sharing a few songs every chapter. Just the title and an excerpt, and maybe a notation of what point in his life Brainy might apply to the song...

Castle Walls -Styx - "far beyond these castle walls, where the distant harbor meets the sky, there the battle raged like hell and every dove has lost its will to fly..." - I'm thinking pre-legion...  
Don't Look Down - Issakar - "We are the restless souls, waiting for a miracle, looking for heroes in the sky and finding nothing…" -I'm not sure, but it works...  
Better - Plumb - "But in the end what leaves you broken, in the end, makes you better..." -I'm thinking post S2...  
Carry On Wayward Son - Kansas - "Carry on my wayward son, there'll be peace when you are done. Lay your weary head to rest, don't you cry no more." - Post S2  
Don't Stay - Linkin Park - "...what you were changing me into, just give me myself back and don't stay..." - Brainiac vs Brainiac Five

-If any of the lyrics are wrong, it's because my music player refuses to cooperate and every time I type them in, it erases them... so I'm basically guessing, here. ^_^


	17. Entry 17

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**Entry 17**--

I now hold in high regard anyone so foolish as to attempt private investigating with any intellect lower than 8, possibly 9. Thaal and I wracked our collective brains for the better part of a day, trying to figure out where I could have contracted the concelare virus. This task was made difficult due to the fact that there is no set amount of time for incubation of the disease before the symptoms are manifested. Finally, after much thought, there appeared to be only one place where I could have contracted the virus.

Thus, Thaal and I decided to visit his school's lab in a last-ditch effort to locate the elusive strain of concelarae major.

Of course, before we could get in, we had to get past Cselia.

"You are not a student," she said to me, folding her arms. "I'm in charge of this lab and I'm not supposed to let anyone in who isn't a student, and certainly not someone who has a baby face!"

Baby face?

Apparently Thaal shared the sentiment. "B-baby face?!" He spluttered. "Just because he doesn't--" he stopped. "Do you shave?" he asked me.

I blinked several times. "That's rather a personal question," I said.

"Never mind," Thaal said to me. "Look, Cselia…"

"You're not threatening me!" she exclaimed. "I've had enough of your stuck up--!"

"I'm not threatening you!" Thaal snapped. "We just need to get in there and do some tests--"

"Tests on _what_? With _what_?" Cselia turned on me. "And who are you anyway?"

"My name is…" I scrambled for a name. "Garth. Garth… Luornu."

Thaal glanced at me in surprise, then shook his head rapidly. "Yeah, this is my friend, Garth. I call him 'Brainy' 'cuz he's smart."

"Okay. What does he want to be in the lab for?" Cselia asked, placing her hands on her hips and raising one eyebrow.

"To see if there are any samples of the concelarae virus in storage, and, if so, when they were last opened-- you _do_ have a sign-out sheet, don't you?"

Cselia frowned. "I don't know. I don't work in the biology section too much, I mostly work with the tech."

"What's the difference between the sections anyway? A lab is a lab," Thaal grumbled.

"A lab is more specific than merely 'a lab' when its function differs from another lab," I said, at the same time that Cselia said, "A lab is a lab to a _layman_, maybe!"

We glanced at each other. I shrugged. "So, can we get in?"

"Why do you want to see the concelarae virus? …I mean, if we have it," she clarified.

"Because this is the only place he could have contracted it," Thaal said, jerking his thumb in my direction.

Cselia glanced at me in confusion. "You think you got sick from _here_?"

I nodded. "It's the only logical option."

"See, planet he comes from, they don't vaccinate for the concelarae virus--"

Cselia raised an eyebrow. "They don't?"

"Nope," Thaal said, grinning broadly. "So we think--"

"That he's from Colu." Cselia interjected.

Thaal's grin froze. "Why would you say that?" he asked through a stiff smile.

"Because Colu is the only place where you don't vaccinate for concelarae-- 'cuz they don't have it there," Cselia said, "I had a whole unit on eradication of diseases last semester in my microbiology class-- Colu showed up quite a bit."

"Garth doesn't look Coluan to me," Thaal said nervously, his smile shrinking slightly.

"No, the green skin is totally un-Coluan," Cselia snorted. She frowned. "But he isn't a robot…"

I hate it when people talk about me as though I am not present. "Coluans are not merely _'robots'_," I interjected. "They are far more sophisticated with incomparable computer drives and capabilites--"

"The point is, he isn't from Colu," Thaal interrupted my spiel. "Brainy here actually came from the slums of…" Thaal trailed off awkwardly and glanced at me for help.

"I don't like to think about where I came from," I said, not sure what he was trying to say.

"Okay, so you grew up in a slum but your family is ridiculously rich," Cselia snorted, obviously not convinced by Thaal's weak excuse.

"I was adopted," I said.

"From the slums of 'I don't like to think about where I came from'?" She demanded, folding her arms and raising an eyebrow in my direction.

"When I was five."

"And they didn't get you vaccinations?"

"The adoption agency didn't exactly fill my adoptive parents in on my childhood," I said. "And I wasn't exactly the ideal child. That's why I'm here, on a little known planet, far away from dear old mom and dad."

"Whatever," Cselia said, obviously not buying the story.

"Well, I'm safe now," I said. "I got all my vaccines… can I get in, please?"

"Nope," Cselia said, "You can't. You're not a student."

"Please?" I said.

Thaal sighed, running a hand through his hair. "How about if _I _go in? I'm a student."

"That's fine," Cselia said.

"You don't know what to look for," I told him. "You don't even know the difference between anthrax and syntax."

"Yes I do! Anthrax is… a disease, and syntax is… another disease?"

Cselia laughed. "Syntax is grammatical structure rules."

"I knew that," Thaal said sheepishly.

"Tell you what," Cselia said, digging into her pocket, "I can't make you a student, but I can give you this," she whipped out a small piece of paper, and then grabbed a pen that had been resting above her ear. "You said your name was Garth?"

I nodded.

"Okay, Garth-- have I heard that name before?"

"It's popular somewhere, I'm sure," Thaal said nervously.

"Okay, whatever. Here," she said, sticking the paper on my shirt, just below the left side of my clavicle.

"What's that?" Thaal asked.

"Visitor badge," Cselia said brightly.

I glanced down at the paper, which read, 'Hello, my name is GARTH.' "Thank you," I said.

"No problem," Cselia said. "Go on in."

We did, and learned from several students in the lab at the time that the concelarae's virulence was being compared to another virus that had also been successfully eradicated on Colu. Apparently they were hypothesizing as to which virus would pose a bigger threat if it were programmed to 'beat' its vaccine.

Of course, since everyone in the lab was supposedly vaccinated, no one realized that some of the particles had escaped into the tech lab-- where I happened to be.

Mystery solved.

* * *

A/N: Ahhh, for some reason, I wasn't quite satisfied with the POV in this... grrr.

And now, for more songs:

Hero - Chad Kroeger feat. Josey Scott - "And they say that a hero can save us, I'm not going to stand here and wait, I'll hold onto the wings of the eagles, watch as they all fly away..." - pretty much anytime  
Fight The Good Fight - Rik Emmet - "Fight the good fight every moment, every minute, every day, fight the good fight every moment, it's your only way..." - mmm again, anytime (makes the playlist versatile)  
Pain - Disciple - "Pain is not pain, unless you breed it like you do, pain will be pain, until you learn to let it go" - Post S2  
We- Joy Williams - "We are not that different from each other, We just want somebody to discover who we really are when we drop our guise..." - Um... general Brainyness.

Again, disclaimer-- I don't know the real lyrics, my player is evil, and this is just my take on the song. Don't lynch me, please...


	18. Entry 18

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**Entry 18**--

Cselia approached me in the tech lab while I was in the midst of an experiment with magnetic pulse nodules, and I was a bit distressed at what she had to say.

"So… Querl. How ya' doin'?"

Of course, I am much more accustomed to my birth name than any assumed names, and so responded to her hail. "I am fine, though a bit hungry. Unless you meant how I am doing on my project, in which case I am progressing steadily in my experiment-- and what do you mean by calling me Querl? I am the only person in this section besides yourself, and my name is Garth," I said.

"Yup." She snorted. "I feel so bad for the student body. They had no idea you fed Arno a false name on that portrait he did," she said, waving a paper in the air.

"I don't-- what?" I demanded, reaching for the paper.

"Don't you genius types know how to ask?" She demanded, folding her arms.

"What is that?" I demanded,

"Student news," she said. "I printed this off 'cuz they don't let you bring extra tech in here. Student newspaper's included in that prohibition."

I shook my head slowly, not understanding. "What's in it?"

"Oh, the results of the planet-wide student portrait contest," Cselia said smugly. "Arno's professor entered the portrait of you."

"And Arno agreed to this?" I demanded, beginning to feel angry.

Cselia shrugged. "It won the contest. He must have agreed to it."

"I'm going to kill him," I snapped, throwing the magnetic pulse nodes on the counter. "This is a disaster! If people start thinking I'm Querl--"

"What? You aren't?"

"No!" I exclaimed. "I'm not. I'm Garth! Garth Luornu!"

"Yeah, right."

I blinked. "What do you--"

"Garth and Luornu are the names of two legionnaires. I knew I'd heard the name somewhere before," Cselia said bitingly.

"So my parents aren't original," I said.

"Drop the act." Cselia said. "You've been caught. I'm not here to gloat… well, no, I am here to gloat. But I'm also here to offer you some help."

"Help?"

Cselia shrugged. "You seem like a decent guy, despite the lousy alias."

"Thanks, I think," I said, wondering what 'help' she was trying to offer.

"So, until this whole 'portrait of Querl Dox' thing wears down, you can stay with my family," she said. "We won't even charge rent."

"Um…" I frowned. "Your family?"

"No one would suspect," Cselia said. "I mean, my dad totally hates coluans, my mom--"

"Your father hates coluans and you're going to convince him to let me stay there?" I demanded suddenly. "And who says I want to go to stay with your family? I'll just stay--"

"In your apartment? Yeah, the last time you locked yourself in there, it was a real joy," Cselia snapped. "Thaal filled me in on the details."

"Thaal needs to learn to keep his mouth shut," I grumbled.

"There's a planet-wide Brainiac Five hunt going on as we speak," Cselia urged. "My family has a lot of tech labs around the house--" she stopped at my look. "Hello, I'm little miss tech lab, remember? This love of tech didn't pop up out of knowhere. So you'll have a place to keep working with your magnetic pulse nodules, and your time-theories…" she gave me a look, "Or 'butler-bots'."

I sighed. "Do I really have an option? It sounds as though you've made the decision for me."

"Yup, decision's made. All you have to do is walk outside and get in my transport," Cselia said brightly.

"Brilliant," I muttered.

And so, I now… Um, one moment.

…I now write…

I'm _TRYING_ to write…

Excuse me while I berate Cselia on her driving skills. The narrow alleys are doing nothing for my empty stomach-- I believe I am experiencing the ailment known as 'motion sickness'…

I'm back, and I

don't think that my chuiodsioionmgh

Think tyhjast my

think that my _chiding_

had much effect.

This is useless!

I'll write m,op[rter-- more

Later, iop-- if I

survive…

* * *

A/N: The hardest part of this chapter was the slurred words... I finally just drug my fingers to the right while I typed...

more playlist!

Things Left Unsaid - Disciple - If you fly away tonight, wanna tell you that I'm sorry, That I never told you when we were face to face (I'm thinking more other legionnaire's thoughts when Brainy left...good tune, too...)  
Find Me Tonight - Everyday Sunday - So find me wherever I am won't you find me, I've got myself lost and I don't think I want to be roaming in heartache; please find me tonight (I'm thinking Dark Victory...)  
Suddenly - Tobymac - And suddenly, it's all behind you, and I'm here to remind you, that yesterday is gone so say goodbye (post season two)  
Falls Apart - Thousand Foot Krutch - It falls apart, from the very start it falls apart, seems like everything I touch falls apart, everything around me falls apart when I walk away from you (post season two...?)

That's all, folks, and remember, I don't own the songs and the lyrics may not be accurate... ^_^


	19. Entry 19

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**Entry 19**--

I have come to the conclusion that I will never again go along with one of Cselia's schemes, especially not if they involve me getting in a transport. I can only relate the experience of riding in a vehicle with her to the distress I might feel while fighting the Fatal Five and the Legions of Super Villains simultaneously. Finally, however, the ride was over. Before we arrived at her house, Cselia informed me that her family is one of the wealthiest on the planet. Since she informed me of this before our arrival, I was not surprised to find that an enormous mansion was the place she called "home".

"Here we are!" she said, stopping the vehicle so suddenly I was thrown roughly against my restraining harness, which I released as quickly as possible and leapt from the vehicle. If I were more dramatic in nature, I might have kissed the ground. As it was, I simply got away from Cselia's transport as quickly as I possibly could.

"So this is your house," I said, glancing around the walkway to take in the gardens and tasteful landscaping leading up to the porch of the enormous house.

"Yup," Cselia said brightly. "Come in, Dad's expecting you."

"Is he pleased?" I asked apprehensively.

"I didn't tell him you're a Coluan," she said cheerfully, marching across the lawn. "But don't worry. He'll get over it."

"This will most likely end in total disaster," I predicted, following her.

"Oh, stop whining and follow me!" Cselia barked, marching across the yard to the walkway, from the walkway to the steps, which she ascended rapidly. Banging on the front door, she shouted at the top of her lungs, "I'M HOME! DAD, ARE YOU HERE? OPEN UP!"

The door opened slightly. "Cselia, what--"

"Daddy!" Cselia cried, throwing the door open and wrapping her arms around a tall, wiry man with graying red hair and a tightly-drawn face.

The man's face softened at her hug, until he spotted me. "Who is that?" he demanded, stiffening.

"This is my friend I told you about," Cselia said brightly. "Querl, meet my dad. Dad, meet Querl."

"Hello," I said.

Cselia's father scowled at me and grunted slightly. "A friend?" he asked, eyes narrowing in suspicion. He grabbed her shoulder and pulled her aside slightly. "Darling, is it wise…" he glanced at me and scowled. "Would you excuse us for a moment?"

"If you don't mind, I think I'll go investigate the many species of flowers in that particular bit of landscaping just to the right over there," I said, pointing. "I won't be long." After gracefully disentangling myself from what looked to be an uncomfortable "family discussion", I moved over to examine the flora until the discussion seemed to have reached a conclusion.

"Anyway, Dad, he needs to get out of town for awhile--"

"What'd he do, rob a bank?" the man grunted.

Cselia glared at her father. "No, he didn't rob a bank. Querl, come inside."

Her father was still standing in the doorway, eyeing me carefully.

"After you," I said, gesturing politely and pulling the door slightly more open, hoping this was the right response.

"Thank you," Cselia said, then mouthed the words "good idea" and winked at me, moving through the doorway, which her father had vacated a split second before. I followed her inside.

The entryway was large, a high domed ceiling cresting before me, and a sizeable staircase lay at the end of the hall. There was an entrance to other rooms on either side of the stairwell, and sophisticated decorations lined the entryway. I glanced around appreciatively. "Nice," I said, and my voice echoed slightly.

Cselia turned around and grinned. "I know. Oh, it's so good to be home! Here, let me show you to your room."

"That won't be necessary," her father said. "I--"

"Oh, Dad, don't be silly!" Cselia bubbled. "Come on, Querl, this way!" she gripped my wrist and, without another word, drug me up the staircase, then turned right, dragging me down a carpeted hallway. We passed three rooms, and then she stopped suddenly. I barely managed to keep from crashing into her. "Here we are," she said, glancing at me and grinning. "Isn't it cool?" she threw open the door to reveal a tech lab combined with an upscale apartment.

"I have one like it," she said. "I had this one built for…" she trailed off into silence and sighed heavily.

I glanced at her. "For…?" I prompted, then remembered what I'd learned about privacy from my argument with Thaal.

Cselia shrugged. "Never mind."

I decided to let the matter rest. "You're very generous," I said, "Thank you."_ Even though you did drag me away against my will_, I thought.

"Thaal and Arno are dropping by tomorrow with your clothes," she said. "In the meantime, relax, explore, invent, whatever. And don't worry about my dad, he's really pretty cool once you get to know him."

I nodded several times, though I was not convinced.

Cselia seemed to sense this and grinned. "You'll survive, don't worry. Anyway, I've got to go now! Have fun!" She left me standing in the hall, stranded in the middle of a strange house with a man who hates Coluans.

At that moment, I would have much preferred to face the Legion of Super Villains.

* * *

A/N: I don't feel like doing any more playlist at the moment, and I have plenty of chapters to continue updating that... On another note, the Star Trek movie is out! Whoo Spock! Woot! Go Vulcans! Now all I'm waiting for is the G.I. Joe movie... Yay Storm Shadow!! ...I'm still trying to decide if I want people to do a LOSH movie, or if I want my future screenplay to be the LOSH movie... Decisions, decisions... And, yes, to my anonymous reviewer zukogal, I do plan on returning Brainy to the legion eventually. (Thaal and Arno probably won't join, but if you'll remember, Thaal _IS_ a reporter... Oh no! I'm giving away my plotline!!!... now look what you made me do!) (Ah well...) Thanks for reviewing, everyone, I really appreciate hearing your comments. Y'know, maybe instead of a playlist entry, I'll shout out to all the countries that have visited this fic this month...

USA (duh)  
UK (another duh)  
Philippines! (yay!)  
Ireland (woot)  
Japan!! (Nihon! Arigatou, anonymous Nihonjin!)

That's all for now.


	20. Entry 20

Doc code 1278803-4576a

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**Entry 20**--

After I returned to my room and wrote the last entry, I decided that I had better learn to find my way around the house. Thus, my exploring mission commenced. I started with the first door to the left of my own room, which led into a study of some sort. The next was a guest room that did not seem to be occupied. I worked my way down the hall until I opened the door into a room that was occupied.

"Oh, excuse me," I said, moving to close the door, "I didn't know anyone was in here." I noticed what the occupant was working on and paused. "Your transistor is backwards," I added, and closed the door slightly, then pushed it open again. "Those converters aren't powerful enough to contain the output you've wired into the magnetic pulse nodules."

The occupant of the room, a young boy of about nine years old, glowered at me before going back to his work, switching the transistor around.

I felt badly about telling him what was wrong with his little trinket and leaving, so I leaned a little further into the room and studied what he was building for a moment. "That's an impressive way to contain the output. Fairly intelligent, in fact."

The boy glanced up at me and squinted one eye as if to ask me who I was to judge his work only 'fairly intelligent'.

"Oh, hello," I said, moving into the room and crouching so that we sat face-to-face. "My name is Querl. I work with magnetic pulse nodules quite a bit, and this is definitely an intelligent way of maintaining output… though the converters need to be altered slightly."

The kid sighed, giving me an irritated look. "I was goanna' change them later."

I nodded in approval. "Good."

The kid gave me a suspicious look. "Why do you care?"

"It could explode otherwise," I said. "explosions are destructive, which would have ruined all your hard work."

"Yeh," the kid grunted, tweaking a wire slightly and fitting a small computer chip into a slot, "it would."

"Now I've told you my name and why I care about your work, would you mind telling me your name?" I asked, leaning back and sitting down on the carpet across from the boy.

"Jonis," the kid said dismissively, placing another chip in the small item.

"What are you making?"

Jonis shrugged.

"You have to be making _something_," I insisted. "There's no such thing as a pointless machine-- if it is invented, it has a purpose."

Jonis gave me another irritated look. "You seem to know a lot about inventing, Mister Querl."

I chuckled. "Just 'Querl', please. I've invented a few things in my time, and it's never been simply a…" I shrugged pointedly in his direction. "There's always a reason behind an invention."

"Maybe I don't think so, 'Just Querl'," Jonis replied snidely. "Maybe I just put this together so I could explode it with the wrong converters."

"Then it has a purpose," I replied, almost as snidely. "Its purpose is to explode; though I highly doubt that is _really_ its purpose."

Jonis leaned back, glaring at me in irritation. "Okay, okay, it's supposed to be a portable energy source powered by the magnetic ore that this planet is loaded with-- you walk on the ground, you make energy. Bam. Like that."

"Which would explain the converters and the magnetic pulse nodules," I said, nodding at the components as I mentioned them. "That's a good idea."

Jonis shrugged and continued tinkering.

I observed him for several minutes, before I realized that I was staring; an action that is often considered rude. Standing and moving towards the door, I addressed the boy once more. "I should probably go now."

Jonis glanced up at me. "Why?"

I turned around and faced him. "You don't seem to want to talk, and I don't mean to force you to engage in conversation with me."

Jonis looked at his project and tinkered with it for a moment.

After watching him for a few seconds, I moved towards the door. "I suppose I should continue exploring, then."

"Exploring?" Jonis asked, sounding intrigued. "Why?"

"I have only seen this wing of the house," I answered.

Jonis raised an eyebrow. "So you're the new cleaning guy?"

"No," I said, confused. "I'm just staying here because Cselia dragged me here from her school."

"You call her _Cselia_?" Jonis asked.

"Um… yes," I said. "Is there a problem with that?"

"Oh, most people call her _Miss_ _Eylyar_, that's all," he grunted.

"And what do they call you?" I asked.

"_The boy_," Jonis replied, snorting in disgust. "Or else _young master_."

"They don't call you by your name?" I asked, confused.

"No," he replied.

"Why not?" I asked.

"My mom was the only one who called my by my name," Jonis replied. "When she died, I guess they figured it would hurt my feelings to call me that when she was the only one who did before."

I turned away from the door and crouched down to face him. "Do you _want_ them to call you by your name?"

Jonis shrugged. "I don't know."

"Yes you do," I said, because I could tell that he _did_ want to be called by his name from the way he was speaking.

Jonis glared at me. "What do you know? Your mother isn't dead! She probably calls you and checks in to see how you're doing on weekends and tells you she loves you. I'll never hear my mother say that to me again!"

"But it's still your name," I said, ignoring his outburst, "and by not using your name, others are not acknowledging who you are as Jonis. Instead they acknowledge _the boy_, or the _young master_, but not _yourself_."

Jonis shook his head. "You're strange."

I raised an eyebrow. "How so?"

"You talk like an idiot but still make sense," Jonis replied, turning and messing with his project for a minute.

"Thank you," I said, taking my cue to leave. "It has been pleasant conversing with you."

Jonis shrugged, and I moved to the door.

"Wait," Jonis said, and I heard him stand up.

I turned back around to face him. "Yes?"

"Will you come back?" Jonis asked, then shrugged, acting as though he didn't care. "I mean, you have pretty good advice for my portable energy source."

"I will," I assured him.

Jonis sat back down, looking relieved. He glanced up at me and scowled. "You don't have to if you don't want to."

"I always appreciate a stimulating conversation about nano-probes," I replied, smiling at him. "I might even come back later today to see how your energy source has progressed."

Jonis nodded curtly, and I left to continue my exploration of the house.

* * *

A/N: Muhahahaha! The next part has arrived!

I totally don't remember where I was in the whole playlist thing. If anyone is even remotely interested, PM me. Otherwise, I think I'll give up. I might occasionally mention a chapter the song helped with, but I get confuzzled to easily to try and keep track of a thirty (or is it forty?) song playlist. I'm making use of the wifi at the hotel we're staying at for vacation, and so I've finally uploaded again! Isn't everyone happy?

Incidentally, I've become people's best friend just for writing this fic. Yay! I'm glad everyone so far likes it! (If you don't like it, feel free to not review and thus destroy my euphoria...) (But then again, constructive criticism is appreciated...) Ugh. I'm confusing myself... The music in here is too loud. I randomly wrote an emo twoshot for another fandom-- I don't know what it is with me and distraught characters, but they're so fun!!! Yes, I'm a sadist. I used to beat up my barbies. (Really! They were enslaved and tortured and thrown against trees! I'm not making this up!)

Now that you know my life story, feel free to review...


	21. Entry 21

Doc code 1278803-4576a

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**Entry 21**--

I did not get a chance to return and observe how the portable energy source was progressing because I fell asleep-- I never realized just how exhausting fearing for your life could be. Cselia's driving must have "taken a lot out of me." Of course, I had not slept much more than two hours for the past few days-- that could have been the cause of my exhaustion also. I never needed this much sleep when I was a Coluan-- at times I find it frustrating.

Still, it is a small price to pay to be rid of…

Back to my point: I was tired, I slept.

The next thing I remembered after lying down was the door to my room being thrown open and Thaal parading into the room, tossing a duffel bag onto my head.

I believe I understand now what Bouncing Boy means by 'waking up on the wrong side of the bed'. In my case, I ended up squished between the wall and the bed. In my haste to get out from under the crushing duffel bag (it held about thirty pounds of omnicoms containing the details of my experiments and two sets of clothes), I managed to scramble to the wrong side of the bed, fall down between the bed and the wall, and cocoon myself in the blankets. Simultaneously.

By the time I extricated myself, Thaal was rolling on the floor, laughing hysterically. Arno was standing in the doorway, wringing his hands worriedly, and Cselia was doing her best not to laugh, her face bright red from the effort.

I stood and tried to gather as much dignity as one can after being "eaten by their bed", as Thaal so eloquently put it (between bursts of hysterical laughter).

"Is your nose all right?" Cselia finally asked, apparently having gained control over herself.

Thaal cackled from where he lay spread-eagle on the floor. "…nose," he wheezed.

Arno coughed uncomfortably and turned to leave.

"Oh, no you don't!" Cselia snapped, catching sight of him attempting to make an escape. "You said you had to explain this situation!"

"…situation… blankets! Ha!" Thaal crowed.

I shot my most withering glare in his direction.

"…heh," Thaal mumbled feebly and sat up. "Whew!" he exclaimed. "Are you always this good for a laugh?"

"I certainly hope not," I snapped, somewhat irritably.

Arno flinched. "Maybe I should come back later," he said, moving away from the doorway until Cselia collared him. Never mind that she was a good two feet shorter than he, never mind that he was at least twice as wide as she; obviously, she meant business.

"You are _not_ leaving! I drove you all the way here for a reason!" she told him firmly.

"I wish you _hadn't_ driven," Thaal complained. "I thought I was going to die."

"Oh--" Cselia turned on Thaal with a glare. Then she smirked. "Let's give Arno and Querl a moment, okay?"

"I don't think--"

"Outside. Now!" Cselia barked.

Thaal scooted outside as quickly as he possibly could, and Cselia followed him. I began digging through the duffel bag to see what they had brought. Behind me, Arno coughed uncomfortably.

"I, uh… I'm really sorry about the portrait," he said. "I didn't know…"

I turned around. "What did you not know?"

"I told my professor he could enter my artwork, but he didn't tell me which one. I didn't think he'd enter that-- and I really didn't think it would win, either!" Arno said, and I realized he thought I was angry.

"It's really no trouble," I said. "It was bound to come out sooner or later. I actually feel worse for you."

"Yeah. There have been a lot of people randomly sending me messages and stuff," Arno admitted. "It's 'cause there was a lot of student information with the entry…"

I nodded.

Arno grinned. "Good. Cselia said you were mad."

I shrugged. "I'm not angry. What's done is done."

Arno looked relieved. "Good."

"Besides, it isn't as though you did this on purpose," I said. "It would be foolish to blame you for something that you did not actually control."

Arno nodded slowly. "True. Anyway, Thaal said you and he never got a chance to talk yesterday-- you were going to meet him for lunch, right?"

"Yes, but Cselia dragged me away before I could," I said. "What of it?"

"So, he's taking you out to lunch _today_. I'm going to find some particularly nice flowers around here and artistically render them as best I can," Arno shrugged modestly, "and Cselia's going to… actually, I don't know. She said she was going to visit _Jonis_."

"Her brother, I surmise," I said. "I met him yesterday."

Arno nodded. "Anyway, I hope you two get life sorted out. Thaal sounded a little anxious about today's meeting."

I frowned. "Really? He seemed to be his usual frustrating, slightly sadistic and easily-entertained self."

"Hey, just because I threw a duffel bag on your head…" Thaal complained, barging back into the room. "Come on, sadistic? That's a bit harsh!"

"Do you not realize how important my head _is?_ I have several theorems and unpatented inventions currently residing in here!" I replied, tapping my forehead. "And then there are the plans for my patented inventions…! My head is… suffice it to say, the information in here is worth more than… anything."

"Theorems?" Cselia asked curiously. "Unpatented?"

"I was too tired to do physical work," I explained. "However, my mind is always working."

Cselia whistled appreciatively and shook her head slightly in what I supposed to be amazement.

"It isn't much, though," I said. "Simple ideas; they shouldn't require much experimentation. Not like the time bubble-- that project took several weeks of solid thought."

Thaal coughed pointedly. "Not that this conversation isn't stimulating, but can we leave the bragging for later, please? I'm getting hungry."

"I thought we were going out for _lunch_," I said pointedly, looking at the time. I hadn't even eaten breakfast yet.

"Let's reschedule it for a second breakfast," Thaal replied hurriedly. "I'm too hungry to wait."

Thaal did not seem particularly hungry, but he did seem eager to leave, so I relented, and the two of us departed.

* * *

A/N: And it's another update! I know exactly where I want this fic to go, but I'm suffering from a profound case of writer's block and this fic is wasting away. (Good thing I wrote so far ahead!) Anyway, i heard this really great song on the radio, and I have no idea what it's called, but it's by Kutless and the chorus is amazing... it's such a good song for this fic.

I don't know what it's called... sigh.

On another note, I figured that duffel bags would never go out of style. Seriously-- they're so handy! I love duffel bags! (Except that now I have an enormous laptop case, so I use that instead of a duffel bag to lug around my laptop, sketch pad, books, comics, mechanical pencils, notebooks, CDs, flash drives, and other necessary items like lip balm. )

(I feel like a packrat sometimes... and my laptop goes everywhere with me. Sometimes I worry about that, because if I were in a car accident, my laptop would be destroyed. I'm so paranoid that I back my stories up every night (well, every night that I remember to)!! ...Sometimes I wonder if I'm sane. Other times I know I'm not-- but hey, I'm an author, and we have a write to be eccentric, right? ...speaking of eccentric... I'm done now, since these Author Notes are almost as long as the chapter...)

LIVE LONG AND PROSPER!!!


	22. Entry 22

Doc code 1278803-4576a

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**Entry 22**--

"We're here," Thaal said, stopping the vehicle and glancing at me. "Are you done journaling?"

I glanced at him. "What do you mean?"

Thaal gestured at the Omnicom in which I had just finished composing the previous entry. "Your journal. Don't you go anywhere without that thing?"

"It's not a journal. It's an application of my mind in an attempt to understand myself," I said. "This is a log of observations regarding the occurrences in the metaphysical plane of my level twelve intellect and its responses to physical stimuli."

"Okay, it's a journal with a fancy name," Thaal said dismissively.

"It is _not_ a journal," I insisted.

"So it's a log of your thoughts, events, and your thoughts in response to those events?" Thaal asked.

"Yes," I replied.

"It's a journal," Thaal said decisively, and walked through the door of the restaurant before I could argue further.

"Thaal," I said in irritation, following him inside, "I do not _journal_. I do not _need_ to journal. People journal so they will not forget events. I never forget--"

"Mind like a steel trap, eh?" Thaal interrupted.

"Not at all," I said. "A steel trap is highly inefficient in its-"

"That was a figure of speech," Thaal interrupted.

"I know, and a highly flawed one at that," I answered. "Now, please, why did you drag me here for breakfast instead of waiting until lunch?"

"I wanted to get the talk over with, and was afraid I'd chicken out," Thaal said.

"Another flawed figure of speech," I commented, then realized I was probably being rude. "I'm sorry. Continue."

Thaal grinned ruefully. "This is going to be harder than I thought."

"I'm sorry," I said again.

"Stop that," Thaal grumbled, dropping into a booth and glancing at a menu absently.

"Stop what?" I asked, sitting down and eyeing the breakfast options myself. I selected my order and looked at Thaal, whose hand was hovering over the electronic selector in indecision.

"Stop apologizing," Thaal snapped, jabbing his finger at the selector and glancing up at me in irritation.

"I don't understand," I said. "I thought--"

"There comes a time when a guy apologizes too many times," Thaal sighed, slouching in the seat and cocking his head slightly. "You have _far exceeded_ the weekly allotment of apologies, and you used up your bonus apologies two days ago."

"I'm sorry," I said. "I didn't--"

"What did I just say?" Thaal demanded, sitting up straight. "I said, _stop_ apologizing! And how do you respond?"

"I'm--" I paused before I could say the word 'sorry' and felt my cheeks begin to burn. My stomach twisted uncomfortably. "I'm… impulsive. I don't mean to be, but I am."

"And that's an apology without using the word _'Sorry'_," Thaal grumbled. "Do you ever speak without apologizing?"

"Of course I do!" I said. "Now what do you want to talk about?"

"I want a turn to apologize," Thaal said. "You've had plenty of chances. Now it's my turn."

"To apologize for what?" I asked, glancing at a server and accepting my plate of food. The server handed Thaal his food, but he scooted it aside and leaned forward, looking at me.

"I need to apologize for yelling at you," Thaal said.

"I already forgave you," I told him, wondering whether it was appropriate to start eating. I was exceedingly hungry, but decided it might be rude to eat while he was trying to apologize. "This apology is rather a pointless gesture."

"No, it's not pointless, because you need to know that I'm sorry," Thaal insisted. "I never said so before, and I should, so I'm sorry."

"I forgive you," I said, picking up a utensil. "Can we eat now?"

Thaal shrugged. "Sure. I… ah, I'm not hungry."

I nodded and quickly began eating. I had not ingested food since breakfast of the day before, and the scent of the food was exciting my olfactory senses and causing my salivary glands to excrete…

Suffice it to say, if Thaal had continued speaking for more than a minute, I probably would have been drooling before long.

"Anyway, I should probably explain my outburst," Thaal said.

I shook my head. "Don't have to if don't want to," I gasped, and resumed eating.

Thaal laughed. "I never thought I'd hear you speak grammatically badly."

I stopped eating. "I should have expected that sentence to be woefully structured." I began eating again. "Don't deem it necessary to tell me the reason if you don't want to," I repeated around a mouthful.

"No, I need to," Thaal said firmly. I continued chewing in silence for thirty seconds before Thaal sighed. "I need to get this over with," he mumbled to himself.

I nodded slightly and took another bite, keeping my eyes on Thaal-- I realized I was staring and glanced down at my food before looking back at Thaal, who was watching me with a look of… fear?

"I'm not going to condemn you for whatever had you upset," I assured him, scooting my empty plate aside and leaning forward to look him in the eyes.

"You may change your mind," Thaal grumbled, scooting his plate across the table. "Help yourself."

"Thank you," I said, and began eating his food.

Thaal grinned. "Anyway, the reason I'm here, on this planet, is I wanted to get away from my father."

I frowned slightly in confusion. "Oh? Why?"

Thaal sighed. "He… doesn't like rules."

I frowned. "Why is this a problem?"

"He's rich. Rich, non-rule-following people aren't very… law abiding," Thaal said. "He didn't like rules and had the money to get around a lot of rules, and he didn't care who got hurt so long as he got what he wanted, when he wanted, however he wanted."

"He was a criminal?" I asked.

"To put it mildly," Thaal snorted. "I changed my name."

I raised my eyebrows. I quite enjoy raising my eyebrows. When I was fully Coluan, I didn't really have eyebrows, just a semblance of facial features. For the first day of being human, I spent four hours in front of the mirror trying out different faces. I also enjoy sticking out my tongue and rolling it. And crossing my eyes… But I digress. I raised my eyebrows at Thaal, who chuckled.

"No, just my last name," he clarified. "I like my first name, unlike Arno. He keeps threatening to change his name, except his parents would probably disown him. He's actually Arno the fourteenth. The name's been in the family for generations, though the reason why has escaped him."

I nodded. "I could tell."

"Yeah. Anyway, Not too long ago, Cselia found out about my family history-- she was doing some weird family history project and checked my DNA records… I think she hates me now," he said.

"She doesn't hate you," I said. "Believe me, I've seen hatred. She might find you irritating at times, but she certainly doesn't hate you."

"Anyway, I was really stressed that you would find out about my family and not be my friend, and Cselia started acting suspicious, and then you kept bugging me about my past, and unit exams were getting close, and Arno kept telling me I should talk to you, and I…" Thaal sighed and dropped his head into his hands. "I messed up. Big time."

"Everyone makes mistakes," I told him. "If there's one thing I've learned in my life, it's that _no one_ is perfect."

Thaal looked up and nodded slowly in agreement. "Yeah. Thanks for being so understanding."

"Thaal, if there's one thing I've learned, it's that family corruption is not contagious. Everyone has to choose to do good, or evil. There's no excuse."

Thaal glanced at me, raising an eyebrow. "Does that mean you still blame yourself over Brainiac?"

I sighed, setting down my utensil. "The choice to allow him access was mine. What Brainiac One did was his own choice."

"But you still feel guilty, don't you?" Thaal asked.

"Yes," I said. "He used me, and I _allowed_ him to use me. It's hard to accept that I would be so easily tempted, corrupted."

"I think it's hard for all of us to accept how fragile we are," Thaal said. "Now, you goanna eat those eggs? This serious talk is making my brain hurt!"

I scooted his breakfast back towards him, only half-consumed.

Thaal grinned and picked up his fork. "Now, while I eat, you can pull out your Omnicom and journal about this experience. Or you can record your mental response to this… ah, whatever you called it."

"I will," I said. "But it is _not_ a journal."

"Sure it isn't," Thaal snorted, and began stuffing his mouth full of food.

This is _not_ a Journal.

…is it?

* * *

A/N: And finally, the much-awaited conclusion of _'What's Thaal's Problem?'_ Yay!

I got sick recently, courtesy of a really bad virus. (Think near-projectile-vomiting, fever-causing, why-on-earth-must-I-play-in-a-guitar-recital-when-I'm-dying virus. I don't know the scientific name for that...) I even missed church on Sunday, which was horribibble... and then I disappeared to a science camp... and now I'm back, and in addition to being well and able to identify multiple bird calls, I can finally update! Yaaay!

Thank you so much to all my faithful reviewers, you make the writing process so much more enjoyable... it's really hard to write and publish when no one likes your work, and while they aren't necessary, reviews are amazing to behold and I am extremely grateful for every single one of them.

That said, go ahead and review... PLEASE!!


	23. Entry 23

Doc code 1278803-4576a

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**Entry 23**--

"So here's the plan. You casually ask Cselia who this Jonis guy is and then I find some incriminating evidence against him, and then we--"

I looked up from my Omnicom and sighed. "Thaal, I don't see why you're so worried about Cselia visiting a young man named Jonis."

"She said she hadn't seen him in awhile and she _missed him_," Thaal insisted, looking at me. "Doesn't that sound suspicious? And she had this dreamy look in her eyes when she said his name too! There's _something_ going on here."

"You've already said this twice," I reminded him.

"Yeah, but you were journaling, so I figured you could stand to hear it again."

"Thaal, I'm fully capable of multi-tasking." I sighed. "And I wasn't _journaling_."

"Whatever," Thaal grumbled and crouched down, staring in the direction of the mansion.

"I completely understood you the first time, and I think you're being ridiculous." I gestured around us. "In what other light would you put our current position? You are 'casually' observing Cselia's mansion from the shrubbery, waiting for this _Jonis_ to walk out of the door with her. What will you do if he _does_ walk out and tries to give her a good-bye kiss, jump up and yell 'I object'?"

"…maybe," Thaal grumbled. "I'm just curious, and she wouldn't tell me anything. It's the reporter in me that wants to know."

"Somehow, I find that doubtful," I told him, standing and carefully stepping over the bushes Thaal was currently cowering behind. "Well, I don't know about you, but I think I will go inside."

"Which is part of the plan!" Thaal exclaimed, sinking lower behind the shrubs. "You ask her who this Jonis guy is, then I--"

"I heard the plan the first three times, Thaal. It was ridiculous the first time you suggested it," I sighed. "It has not improved with age."

"I just want to know who this Jonis guy is!" Thaal exclaimed in irritation. "Can't you help a guy out?"

"Jonis is Cselia's little brother," I told him firmly. "Now get out of the bushes."

Thaal blinked in confusion. "Jonis is her _brother?_"

"What, you were expecting to duel him for the fair maiden's heart?" I snorted. "Please, Thaal, use your brain. I know it's in there somewhere, I heard it rattling inside your head when you jumped over that adjacent shrub and fell on your face five minutes ago."

Thaal growled. "_Now_ he gains a sense of humor."

I shrugged and walked towards the door. "Are you coming?"

"I think I'll find Arno," Thaal said sheepishly, "and tell him he won't have to scope out the second story by pretending to want to draw the climbing plants on the far side of the house."

"To each his own," I said, and headed inside. Once indoors, I decided to visit Jonis-- he had asked me to visit, after all. As I neared his room, I met Cselia coming out.

"Oh," she said, blushing slightly and quickly shutting the door, "you're done?"

I nodded. "I was going to visit Jonis," I said, gesturing at the door.

Her eyes widened slightly. "Really? Why?"

"He's a fascinating individual," I said. "I met him yesterday, and I enjoy his company."

"You do?" Cselia sounded surprised.

"He's an engaging boy," I said.

"If you say so," Cselia murmured.

"I do say so," I told her, and moved past her to open the door.

"Where's Thaal?" Cselia asked me.

"He's looking for Arno," I told her.

"I'll go find him," she said quickly. "Have…fun, talking to Jonis."

"I will," I assured her, opening the door and peering inside.

* * *

A/N: I'm still mostly stuck on this fic. It's frustrating.

On the upside, I've been watching Star Trek on Youtube! (I don't know how this is an upside for you readers, but...)

LOSH got removed from Youtube. But I think I managed to see the entire 2nd season... once.

And I saw Dark Victory twice... but the first time it had no sound, for some strange reason. (It is nigh impossible to lip-read animated characters. The only words I could understand were 'room', 'Brainy' and 'Brainiac Five' and maybe 'Superman', though it could have been something else... I gave up after the first half...

Sorry for the off-subject rambling. I've been getting a lot of reviews asking if Brainy will ever return to the legion, and I'm guessing they didn't see my author notes in Entry where I gave away my devious plans for Brainy's future.

So I say again: I'M SORRY I'M LONG WINDED, BUT I PROMISE THAT EVENTUALLY, BRAINY WILL RE-JOIN THE LEGION!!! (Maybe I should say this every chapter so no one misses it...)

I love Brainy the superhero, he'll be back... BECAUSE I AM THE AUTHOR, AND SO HE DOESN'T HAVE A CHOICE!!

Okay, I'm done.


	24. Entry 24

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**Entry 24**--

Jonis was sitting cross-legged in the corner, staring blankly at the wall. His invention was nowhere to be seen, and for the first time, I took note of his room, which I found to be remarkably drab for a boy his age. Everything was either white or grey, and the amount of furniture was limited to a desk, two chairs, and the bed. He had a large space in the middle of the room where he had been working on his invention the day before, and there was a single light that bathed the room in a harsh white light.

"Jonis?" I said, walking into the room, "How has your work on the energy converter gone? No troubles, I hope? I was not awakened by any explosions, which I suppose is a good sign, unless I am simply an extremely deep sleeper." I frowned. "I don't know if I am a deep sleeper or not. Hmm. A point I must consider."

Jonis turned around to fix a disgusted look on me. "You're how old and you don't know if you're a light sleeper or not?"

I shrugged. "Only recently have I really had a chance to find out," I said, but did not bother to explain further.

"Whatever," Jonis grunted, returning his gaze to the corner.

I walked across the room to stand behind him, feeling slightly baffled. "Has something over here drawn your attention?"

Jonis shifted uncomfortably. "No."

"Why are you sitting in the corner?" I asked.

"Because I like corners!" Jonis snapped.

"You do?" I asked. "Why?"

"Because they don't ask annoying questions," Jonis replied bitterly.

"Oh," I said. "I'm sorry."

Jonis sighed, tilting his head upwards to look at me. "No, I'm sorry. It's just… I'm just irritated right now."

I knelt beside him. "About what?"

Jonis shrugged, which I took to mean he did not wish to tell me. So I changed the subject. "How is your invention going?" He shrugged again, and I found myself wondering what to say next. The silence stretched into an uncomfortable pause before he spoke.

"She treats me like an idiot."

I frowned. "Who? Cselia?"

Jonis glanced at me, a scowl etched into his features. "Yeah. Who else d'you think, the President of the U.P.?"

I shook my head slowly. "No, I am not inclined to think so."

Jonis sighed, leaning back slightly, wrapping his arms around his knees. "Ever since mom died, they treat me like some sort of glass doll… like I'm going to break if they're too rough on me."

"They who?" I asked.

"Everyone!" Jonis exclaimed. "…except you," he amended. "You treat me like a normal person, even though I'm a little kid."

I considered that. "I suppose that's because I've become accustomed to being the smartest person in the room, and yet I understand that being the smartest does not mean I am the only one with good ideas."

Jonis raised his eyebrows, staring at me with dark eyes. "Egotistic much?"

"I have level twelve intellect," I explained.

"Oh…" he said, "Oh. I guess that makes sense then." he glanced at me. "I… I _do_ have some more done on my project. You want to see it?"

"Of course," I said, crouching next to the boy. We discussed the project for several minutes, during which my mind partially wandered; not to say I ignored Jonis-- I have enough intellect to think about several things at once-- but I also began to think back to an experience from what seemed to have occurred incredibly long ago. In actuality, it had been about a month since the day I'd spoken with that father at the playground. Now I wonder if he was right; perhaps I _am_ good with children-- possibly because I work so hard at not being condescending to others that I can successfully respond to children with the same lack of condescension.

I believe this is something I must consider further.

"So I hear you're going to eat dinner with my dad tonight," Jonis said, putting his project away.

"I am?" I asked.

"Cselia told me you were," Jonis rolled his eyes. "You wouldn't _believe_ the things she tells me. Like I want to hear all about her personal life… I tell you, sisters…"

"She doesn't seem so bad to me," I said.

"Yeah, well, that's because she knows you have a brain," Jonis snapped. "I'm just a little brother to her."

"Maybe you should tell her that," I suggested.

"I'm not telling her anything," Jonis grumbled. "It probably wouldn't make any difference."

"You never know until you try," I said.

"Yeah, well, it didn't make any difference, asking mom to stay home that day, did it?" Jonis hissed. "She still left. And then she never came home."

"Jonis, it is illogical to base all interpersonal relationships in the future off of a single painful event from the past," I said. "You have your whole life ahead of you. Instead of using the past to hide from the future, let your experiences teach you. Experience is not an excuse, but a way for you to improve your life by taking advantage of the knowledge provided by the past."

"Nice advice, but it's a lot easier to _say_ something like that than to really _do_ it," Jonis replied.

"I know," I said.

"No, I don't think you do," Jonis replied angrily, turning away.

"Believe me, Jonis, there are parts of my past that I wish I could forget, and some people might even think I've run away from my past. But I haven't."

"Really?" Jonis demanded, whirling back around and glaring at me. "Or have you just _convinced_ yourself that you haven't run away? Maybe you're just as bad a me. So what if I'm hiding away in a room and not letting anyone else in? Maybe you're here because you're afraid. Well I'm afraid too, afraid that if I love someone again, they'll end up hurt. You _don't_ understand, Mister Querl, so stop acting so high and mighty with your level twelve intellect and your psychoanalysis and _get out of my room_!" Jonis pointed at the door. "And don't come back! I don't want to see you again!"

"I'm sorry," I said quietly, standing. "I should have learned my lesson the first time. Goodbye, Jonis." I left immediately, and determined to stay in my room until I managed to understand exactly where I "went wrong."

I still don't entirely understand how I manage to destroy any semblance of a friendship that comes my way, but I suppose it has something to do with my sizeable intellect and my apparent inability to understand when enough is enough. Put simply, I cannot recognize when I should stop talking. Almost as if I must top another's story of woe with my own problems-- as if this would help a hurting person, telling them that _my_ pain is much larger than theirs.

Pain is not meant for competition, and when you treat it as such, all that results is _more_ pain.

Sometimes I wonder if I will ever learn the fine points of interpersonal relationships.

Other times I wonder if I really want to.

* * *

A/N: AAAAAAAAAAHHHH!! I finally saw Star Trek in theatres and it was amazing!!!!!!! And on another note, as soon as I read the encouraging reviews on the last chapter, I was so happy and inspired that I sat down and wrote two more chapters.

But now I'm stuck again. Arrg... I could probably force myself, though. I'll try... But hey, at least you haven't had to wait as long as the people in the G.I. Joe section. (And don't even start with Exo-Force... I have it written but have yet to publish nearly 10 chapters... procrastinators unite... tomorrow!!)

Thanks so much for the reviews, everyone! I really, really appreciate feedback! (hint, hint) But then, do what you think is best... (But you'd better think that leaving a review is best!!!)


	25. Entry 25

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**Entry 25**--

"Sorry we can't stick around for dinner, but Arno's got a test coming up, and I have an essay due tomorrow… plus, I haven't exactly researched it yet," Thaal said, grinning sheepishly. "I'll probably be pulling an all-nighter as it is."

"I see," I said, glancing up from one of the omnicoms Arno had packed into the duffel bag. "So this wouldn't have anything to do with your desire to avoid Cselia's father?"

"A-avoid… Now then… hey…You…" Thaal scowled. "You're the Coluan! You're the one who should be worried!"

"Then why on earth are you worried?" I asked.

"Um, mainly because Cselia and I aren't always on the best terms, and her dad is… in a word, highly overprotective."

"That's two words, not _a_ word," I pointed out, shaking my head slightly.

"Yeah, whatever, the point is, the combination of him being overprotective and you being a Coluan will most likely result in an explosive confrontation."

"It takes two reactionary components to create an explosion," I said quietly.

"Yeah, well, technically speaking, all her dad would need to explode is seeing those dots on your forehead," Thaal grumbled.

"I am still at a loss," I said, setting the Omnicom down and looking at Thaal. "Why does her father dislike Coluans?"

"That's a good question," Thaal said. "I have no idea."

"I am experiencing difficulty in understanding why he would dislike Coluans. Actually, I am having difficulty even imagining how he came to know Coluans in the first place."

"You don't have to know someone to dislike them," Thaal said.

"How is that possible? It is illogical to simply decide to dislike someone without any first-hand knowledge," I said.

"Yeah, but it happens all the time," Thaal said. "Anyway, I've got to go. Hope you have fun tonight."

"I doubt it," I said.

"Yeah, me too," Thaal said. "But one can always hope…"

"Hope what? That you'll actually pay attention in chemistry? No, maybe I'll stick to hoping you stay _awake_," Cselia said, poking her head into the room.

"Do you always just barge in on people?" Thaal demanded irritably. "What if he'd been getting dressed?"

"Then he probably would have kicked you out, or at least locked the door," Cselia replied snootily. "Now, Arno's sitting downstairs looking all forlorn and forgotten, so you two had better head off. And Querl, you and I are going to dinner now!" She didn't seem to be very worried about her father's dislike of Coluans, and it heartened me, though only slightly.

"I hope your dad is in a good mood tonight," Thaal said.

"Oh, well, if he isn't, that's his fault," Cselia replied. "Now come on, Querl. Thaal, Arno's probably wasting away down there, especially since he can smell the food cooking but you insisted on going back to--"

"Fine, fine," Thaal grumbled. "I'm going. Bye, Brainy."

"Good-bye," I said, waving once as he left.

"Come on," Cselia said, grinning, "I'm starving."

"Will Jonis be joining us?" I asked, following her out of the room.

She paused. "No," she said after a moment, "He takes dinner in his room."

"Oh," I said, wondering why he would wish to stay alone in his room.

"Anyway, let's go," Cselia said. "We wouldn't want to be late. Bye, Arno!" she shouted down the stairs, waving at the large artist.

"Bye Cselia, bye Querl!" Arno said, waving over his shoulder.

"Bye," I replied, waving also.

* * *

A/N: ha! I finally updated again! I'm at a library, and I am not only taking advantage of their wifi, but their comic books also! (I found two "Supergirl and the Legion of Super Heroes" comics... yay!)

Well, comic books and a bunch of regular books too... however, at the moment I'm sitting by the comics on a beanbag chair and I couldn't be comfier... unless I had chocolate... hmm...

Anyway, I am absolutely extatic about all the reviews I've been getting. Thanks again, everyone!!!! I'll keep writing... I think I've beaten my writer's block, and I'm really close to finishing this fic... because I'm writing a sequel. This one was getting a bit long... Anyway, sorry I lied, but the sequel is when Brainy actually re-joins the legion... At least, that's what I think. Thaal might not agree... I think he wants Brainy to get back sooner than my schedule allows... Anyway, stay tuned!

PS: Sorry this is such a filler chapter... the next one was too long to combine with this...


	26. Entry 26

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**Entry 26**--

"Please Querl, sit down," Cselia said brightly, gesturing at a seat opposite herself, to the left of her father.

I was unsure what to make of my friend's glowering father, but decided that if I maintained basic etiquette, the meal would have a lesser chance of ending horribly. "Thank you," I said, carefully taking my seat.

"Dinner will be soup and salad, with a main course and a dessert following the meal," Cselia said cheerily, grinning at me and turning to her father. "Right, dad?"

Cselia's father grunted, but was otherwise unresponsive as he continued to stare at me with a cold glint in his eyes.

"That sounds excellent," I said brightly, hoping I did not sound as nervous as I felt. Inwardly, my mind was filled with dozens of thoughts, most of them being trivialities such as where to put my napkin, how to hold the silverware, and the best way to take a sip of water. I knew the basics of etiquette of several thousand civilizations, and yet, I found myself at a complete loss. Not because I had no idea of how to perform, but because I did not know how much etiquette was expected in this house.

I was second-guessing every move I made, and I found myself watching Cselia's actions constantly to avoid making any sort of mistake that might upset her father. His gaze did not grow softer with time, but rather hardened and seemed to grow in hostility with every minute. I could not comprehend why he would feel angry despite my attempts to keep conversation going, all while maintaining as much poise and etiquette as I could muster.

Somehow, I could sense that despite all my efforts, the meal was not likely to end well.

Unfortunately, my prediction was fairly accurate. "So, Querl, was it?" Cselia's father finally said, picking at the last of his main dish, his eyes still narrowed in my direction.

"Yes," I said, adding "sir" to my statement after a moment's pause.

"So, Querl, you're a Coluan."

"Yes, although I find myself to be a drastically different from the average Coluan," I answered.

"How so?" Cselia's father asked.

"Dad, I'm sure he'd rather talk about something else," Cselia interrupted. "Like… oh, did you hear that Querl contracted the concelarae virus they had at the school?"

"Darling, we're _eating_," her father said, scowling. "Immunology discussions can wait until we've finished the meal."

"But…"

"Later," her father said firmly. "Now, Querl, you said you are drastically different from most Coluans. What did you mean by that?"

"Mainly that I am a fully biological organism," I replied. "Such an occurrence is uncommon among Coluans."

"I see," he said, "So then, you admit to being a hyper-intelligent, isolationist freak like all the rest of your kind?"

"Father!" Cselia exclaimed. "What are you saying?"

"Isolationist freak?" I repeated, wondering if I had heard him correctly.

"While staying here, you locked yourself in your room for hours at a time," Cselia's father snapped. "You're just as paranoid and introverted as the rest of them!"

"Querl needs peace and quiet to work!" Cselia argued, banging her fist on the table. "Now stop calling him names!"

"I'm not calling him names, I'm trying to show you how _foolish_ you're being!" Cselia's father shouted, his angry gaze now directed at Cselia.

"I'm not foolish!" She screamed. "And you're wrong about me!" Whirling around, she strode from the room without looking back.

I was at a loss for words, wondering how to rectify having witnessed a family quarrel when her father sighed gustily.

"Pity," he said, "she'll miss dessert."

Unsure of how to respond, I nodded dumbly.

"Now that she's gone, however, we can have a little chat," he said, turning to me with a glint in his eye. "Man to man…or adolescent, if I'm not mistaken."

I shook my head, still trying to understand what had transpired.

"Let's not be coy," Cselia's father said, "You know I have money. I know you want it. It's very cute, your transparent attempts to gain the confidence of my daughter."

"I have no idea what you're talking about," I said, though that was not an entirely truthful statement. In the second it took me to reply, my mind had already raced through what he was saying.

"Don't be funny," he said, "It's obvious; the way you couldn't take your eyes off her during dinner, your supposed love of science, even visiting _Jonis_! There's only one reason why you would do all this, and that's to bring her _close_ to you so you can _use_ her. But I won't let you; I'm onto you now."

"You, sir, are vastly mistaken, and I hope you don't normally view any of your daughter's friends in this light; or is this treatment a special occurrence because I am an introverted, paranoid, hyper-intelligent Coluan?" I demanded, beginning to feel angry.

"Come now, you can't deny it," he said, chuckling slightly.

"Sir," I said firmly, "Thus far, the only truths you have acknowledged in my presence are as follows: my name is Querl Dox, and I am a Coluan. Rest assured, I have enough of my own money to survive quite comfortably. In addition, I am a student of all sciences and find this status highly gratifying. Finally, Jonis is an entertaining conversationalist who does not deserve to be treated as some sort of _prop_ to impress Cselia."

"…an _entertaining conversationalist_?" Cselia's father repeated slowly.

"Yes, that is what I said," I replied.

"Maybe you aren't after my money after all," he said. "Maybe you're just crazy."

"Intelligence and insanity often come 'hand-in-hand', to borrow the colloquialism," I said simply.

"Obviously," he grumbled. "Now look here, I don't know who you've been talking to while you're in Jonis' room, but it sure isn't Jonis," he said.

"Why not?" I demanded angrily.

"Because the boy hasn't spoken in eight years!" he cried vehemently. "I've done everything I could, tried anything I could think of! Speech Therapists, Psychologists, Psychiatrists, even telepaths and empaths! Nothing," he said glumly.

"Did you try talking to him?" I asked.

"How would that help?" he snapped.

"He's an incredibly intelligent child, and he hates that you act as though he's stupid when he chooses not to speak. How would you feel, if you were visited by psychologists and telepaths more than you were by your only remaining parent?" I demanded, beginning to wonder if this man thought of anything besides his money and what it could and could not buy.

"What are you _saying_?" he snarled. "Are you telling me how to be a father?"

"No," I said, standing suddenly, "I'm telling you to _be_ a father." With that, I exited in much the fashion Cselia had, minutes earlier.

I hope he enjoyed his dessert…

Alone.

* * *

A/N: Oooh! Oooh! Sequel preview!

(Yes, ending on a cheery note, so I thought I'd provide some randomness to inspire... well, me, mostly. Anyway...)

Here we go, I've finally decided the title for the sequel. I thought long and hard about it for thirty seconds. Here it is:

Document 12788034576b

I know, creative, right? Anyway, quick preview:

_**Document 1278803-4576b**  
Otherwise known as the (not journal!) writings regarding the disadvantages of being a human hero._

_"When I wished to be human, I did not realize how difficult my life would become!" has become my motto for everday life as I struggle with my own humanity alongside a legion of super humans..._

Mwahaha! (And besides a tiny outline, that's all I have written so far... but hey, look forward to it anyway!!!)

Thanks for sticking with my long-winded fic and here's to the sequel!!!!!! (yay!)


	27. Entry 27

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**Entry 27**--

"Mister Querl? Mister Querl, are you there?"

My eyes flickered open a mere five minutes after I had fallen asleep, prompted by a small, insistent voice outside my door. I lay back, trying to piece together who and where I was, my mind a haze of half-sleep and exhaustion.

"I… I'm sorry… are you mad at me now? I'm really sorry… I wanted to tell you sooner, but you were gone… are you there? Mister Querl?"

I managed to pull myself from the bed and stagger to the door, opening it. "Jonis," I said rather flatly, trying to decide if I was angry at being awakened so soon, or delighted that he was no longer angry with me.

"No one knows I'm out of my room," Jonis said. "I just… wanted to see you. I… it was like before… I was mad… I said mean things… she left… and then she was dead!" Jonis wailed the last part, wrapping his arms around my waist and squeezing hard. "And then you weren't here and Cselia was crying, and I didn't know, and you wouldn't answer, and then someone was coming, and then I came back, and I was so scared-- but you're here now, you're here!…you're here," he said quietly, calming down and relinquishing my waist to wipe at his eyes, a futile attempt to hide the stream of tears that had crept from the corners of his eyes.

"I was at dinner," I explained, grabbing Jonis' shoulder and leading him to my bed where I sat him down and then settled next to him. "And then I came here and recorded the previous events, and then I went to bed."

"Recorded…" Jonis glanced at me. "You keep a journal?"

"No," I said, feeling slightly miffed, "I don't."

"Oh," Jonis said. "Then why did you record the events?"

"To… never mind," I said, thinking back to Thaal's reaction.

"Is it some form of reference to understand what's going on inside your head?" Jonis asked after a long moment. "I mean, I do that sometimes. I don't forget stuff very easily, but sometimes when you write things out, vocalize them, you can get sort of outside of yourself and treat life more like lab notes than your existence… it makes things easier to handle."

"I suppose that's closer to what I do," I admitted after a moment.

"I think only people who are really confused and hurting feel the need to understand things so badly that they have to think outside themselves just to think about themselves," Jonis said after a moment. "Are you hurting, Mister Querl?"

I didn't have an answer for him.

I still don't.

* * *

A/N: I almost skipped this chapter, because, somewhere along the line, I accidentally created two entry 27's. Hmm. Anyway, ff is no longer buggy, so I can update now!!!! Sorry for all the confusion, but no, I have not finished this fic yet, I'm just beginning to formulate the plotline for the sequel, and was hoping to get some piqued interest. Which, I did. In all the wrong ways... ah well. Hey, it was worth the laughs... right?


	28. Entry 28

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**Entry 28**--

"So let me get this straight," Cselia said, running a hand through her hair and scowling in slight confusion. "Jonis talks?"

"When he wishes to," I agreed, wondering why this was such a difficult concept to grasp.

"Jonis talks," she repeated, still sounding incredulous.

"On occasion," I replied calmly. "He is quite an eloquent speaker."

"Really?" Cselia asked. "I wonder why he won't talk to me."

"I am not entirely sure," I said, "but it might be that he feels abandoned and fears that if he cares for you, you will leave him."

"That's silly!" Cselia exclaimed.

"Is it?" I asked. "He loved your mother dearly. She died, didn't she?"

"But that's not the same as abandoning him!" Cselia snapped.

"Growing up without a parent _always_ feels like abandonment; it doesn't matter for what reason. Parents should stay with their children," I replied vehemently.

"But he can understand that she's dead," she snapped at me. "It isn't like mom _chose_ to die."

I nodded slightly in agreement, then pressed on. "Cselia, your father never visits Jonis, preferring to send emissaries who will be able to psychoanalyze and treat what is rather a simple enough affliction."

"And what 'affliction' might that be?" Cselia demanded, face bright red.

"A broken heart," I said simply.

Cselia stared at me for a moment, obviously wondering if I was making a joke. "A broken heart?"

"Jonis grew up with neither mother nor father, in isolation. You were at school, and the only people who would speak to him were doctors who wanted to make him 'better'. Jonis knew perfectly well what was wrong with himself, and he knew that no doctor could make him feel better. The only cure for a broken heart is love, and no doctor can replace a mother's heart."

Cselia smiled ruefully. "You sound like you know this from experience."

I shrugged in reply. "Jonis is an intriguing conversationalist."

Cselia frowned in thought. "He stopped talking after mom died. Everyone thought he'd been traumatized by something because he almost died too."

I raised an eyebrow. "Oh? How so?"

"The two of them were going to visit an old friend of hers who was in the area, but Jonis got sick," Cselia explained. "He had a fever and a bad cough, and was probably contagious. He felt better after three days, and mom wasn't going to risk him getting sicker, so she left without him." Cselia's eyes seemed to be watching something far away as she reminisced.

"Your mother never returned, did she?" I ventured.

"Jonis _really_ didn't want her to go without him," Cselia agreed in a roundabout way. "He screamed for a long time, even threatened to run away if she didn't take him with her, but she didn't want him to get more sick. She wanted him to rest." Sighing, she shook her head. "I'm sure that haunts him now. He wouldn't even hug her goodbye… and he never got a chance to hug her again. How sad!"

For a moment, I thought of my own mother, whom I've never hugged, and barely remember.

How sad, indeed.

* * *

A/N: I have to give credit for this chapter to jay5merlin, she said that she was confused, and I realized that I hadn't been overly clear in what exactly happened and why Jonis was so upset. So here's your next chapter, sorry it took a bit longer than I expected. Bear with my obvious work of exposition so you understand what's going on... I have to thank The Violet Rose for helping me beat my writer's block by talking with me to get my creative juices going, and Asterisk78 for being herself and writing great stories that inspire me to work on my own.

There should be more coming soon, unless I procrastinate...


	29. Entry 29

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**Entry 29**--

"SURPRISE!!!"

The shout startled me as I walked in the door to my apartment. In fact, the shout startled me so badly that I slammed the door shut, leaped to the right, rolled and came up with my hands pointed at the intruder-- as though _that_ would be effective against an assailant _now_. I believe I was experiencing the curious phenomenon known as learned instinct.

"Wow, nice move!" Thaal exclaimed, jogging over and clapping a hand on my shoulder. "Really, though, it's just me, Cselia and Arno. No need to worry."

"You shouted at me when I was expecting an empty room," I replied, trying to calm my rapidly beating heart. "Can you blame me for the reaction?"

"Most people just scream," Thaal said, pouting.

"I'm a hero. I don't scream; I _save_ screaming people," I retorted.

"A hero who ditched his team and is hiding on a solitary planet 'finding himself' by writing in a journal?" Thaal retorted.

"It is _not_ a journal!" I snapped.

"He still managed a smattering of heroic deeds," Cselia piped up. "I mean, he gave Arno a great portrait subject, and gave _me_ my little brother back!"

"It's been a few days since you left Cselia's house," Thaal said. "And _she_ had your journal. How have you survived since then ---since you couldn't seem to put it down before-- and more importantly… _WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN_?!"

"In the tech lab," I replied. "I had a breakthrough, and I had to finish--"

"SO YOU JUST BUILT SOME STUPID INVENTION FOR THREE DAYS STRAIGHT?!" Thaal shrieked.

"Yes," I replied, "Is that a problem?"

"No wonder the kid has issues-- he never sleeps!" Thaal exclaimed.

"_Kid_?" I replied.

"Well, you're shorter than me," Thaal said. "And scrawnier. And younger. That makes you a kid, at least in my book."

"_I'm_ shorter, scrawnier and younger than you," Cselia retorted, "does that make _me_ a kid?"

"No, it makes you a woman. And don't use a word like scrawny, it's unbecoming for a lady," Thaal replied, smirking.

"So you worked on the project nonstop?" Arno asked.

"I drank some water every few hours," I said. "I was beginning to develop a dehydration headache at one point because I lost track of time for sixteen point four five three two hours."

"Ouch," Thaal said, wincing. "You need to take better care of yourself, Brainy."

"I don't _care_ about myself," I replied. "I care about my work."

"_ANY_way," Arno said loudly, "Welcome home! I brought food, so let's eat!"

"Wonderful," I said, "I'm absolutely ravenous."

"I should _think_ so!" Thaal snarled, shaking his head. "Three days!"

I realized he was talking to himself.

"Thaal couldn't survive three _hours_ without food," Cselia commented, setting out four plates on my table, which had been cleared of omnicoms and several experiments which I'd left scattered across the top. "He has a small brain, but it needs a lot of fuel."

"Hey!" Thaal cried, a pained look on his face. Then, feigning a pout by folding his arms and extending his lower lip, he slouched awkwardly. "That's cruel!" he exclaimed, engaging in a mock-faint that ended with him collapsing dramatically.

"Get off of the floor and help me put the food on the table and find chairs," Cselia commanded Thaal, marching across the room and relocating several papers and other omnicoms and dragging two chairs away from my counter.

"Chair ho!" Thaal screeched, pointing a finger across the room and dashing across the floor to snatch another chair. "I, Thaal the magnificent, have succeeded--"

"At spilling omnicoms and other supplies all across my _floor_," I interrupted, irritated and a bit unused to the commotion after I'd been alone for three days. "Pick them up, please."

"Sure, sure… you could have waited until after my monologue though," Thaal grumbled, picking up everything he'd tossed to the floor in his enthusiasm.

"Hah! Food's ready!" Arno declared, bringing it over to the table. Glancing at me, he grinned. "Were you using that thing over there as a Bunsen burner instead of a stove?"

"On occasion," I admitted, sitting down.

"I wondered why it was burning weird," Arno commented. "But I figured out how to change it back."

"It isn't difficult," I said.

"That's why I was able to figure it out," Arno replied, grinning.

"Ah! Food!" Thaal cried, leaping to the table. Yanking out a chair, he gestured for Cselia to sit in it.

"Thank you," Cselia smirked, "It seems that somewhere beneath all that testosterone, there's an actual gentleman."

"He only gets out on special occasions," Thaal retorted.

"_Very_ special occasions," I said. "When you aren't busy with other things, like tripping over shrubbery."

"Would you let it go already?" Thaal moaned. "it was an _accident!_"

"No, I don't think I'll 'let it go' yet," I replied. "I need some sort of ammunition to combat your--"

"Witty repartee?"

"The colloquialism that comes to _my_ mind is not 'witty repartee', it's 'big mouth'," I retorted. "Now can we eat, _please_?"

"Yess!" Thaal exclaimed, piling food onto his plate.

I quickly followed suit. After a satisfying and sizeable meal, the four of us sat around the table for a while, engaging in 'small talk'. Before long, Arno and Cselia left, but Thaal remained for a moment, saying that he wishes to speak with me soon, alone.

I wonder what he intends to say…

* * *

A/N: Just for the record, I am not writing. Once I run out of chapters, this fic may die for a few months while I work on homework. I hope I can get things done, but... sigh. Someday, someday I will finish this fic and work on the sequel... until then, stay tuned!


	30. Entry 30

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**Entry 30**--

"Do you realize that the Legion is holding auditions?" Thaal demanded, shaking an Omnicom in my face, mere seconds after approaching me at the park. I'd been peacefully observing several children on the playground, reclining on a bench and enjoying the slight breeze that ruffled my hair. Then Thaal had arrived, striding determinedly towards me, a half-scowl on his face.

I shook my head at Thaal, pushing the Omnicom away from my face. "No," I said slowly, "I did not realize that the Legion is holding auditions because haven't been keeping tabs on them. I am not a stalker, Thaal, and at the moment, I have no real reason to--"

"NO REAL REASON?!" Thaal screeched. "_You _were the brain behind the team, and _you_--"

"You," I interrupted, "Are making a scene. People are staring. Sit."

Amazingly, he sat.

"So you didn't know," Thaal said. "Well, now you know. You should go back!"

"No," I said firmly.

"Why not?" Thaal demanded, waving his arms at me.

"Because…" I frowned. "I'm not sure they want me back."

"Yeah, which is why they're having auditions instead of contacting you, since you were kind enough to leave a forwarding address and a way to _contact_ you," Thaal snorted. Sarcasm was an obvious weapon in his sizeable arsenal of verbalizations.

"Thaal, I _digitized the universe_. Most people probably think I'm…"

"I don't like it when you don't finish a sentence," Thaal said after a moment. "Because I know the full sentence is in your head, but you think I won't like it if the whole thing comes out."

"I know you won't like it," I said.

"THEN DON'T SAY IT!" Thaal screeched. "I KNOW WHERE THIS IS GOING, AND YOU'RE WRONG!!!"

"Since when did you gain telepathic powers?" I asked, my voice biting. "Maybe _you_ should audition for the Legion."

"Don't even _joke_ like that," Thaal snapped. "I'm a writer, not a fighter."

"The heroic essayist," I said.

"I don't like essays very well," Thaal replied. "At least not most of them. You can't decide what to write about, really. And you have to worry about a grade, and…"

I shook my head. "Thaal, I'm not going back to the Legion… yet."

"I bet you dinner for a month that they would _beg_ to have you back," Thaal said, folding his arms and glaring at me.

"You can't afford to buy me dinner for a month, and you shouldn't gamble… unless you have statistical evidence that shows you're going to win, in which case, who's stupid enough to gamble against your prediction?"

"So by not gambling with me, you think there's a shot that they _will_ beg to have you back," Thaal said.

"I said _you_ shouldn't gamble. I would take the bet in an instant, but you can't afford--"

"You're on!" Thaal interrupted, jumping to his feet. "Now I'll contact them!"

"No!" I exclaimed, also rising. "I'm _not_--"

"What's it going to take?" Thaal demanded.

"I need to know that they don't hate me, Thaal!" I shouted. "I sprocking _digitized_ the universe. I let a villain reside in my body, _in my mind_-- I _LET_ him! I wouldn't trust me, and I _certainly _wouldn't beg to have me back-- I would beg to _get rid_ of me!"

"I think you're being too hard on yourself," Thaal said.

"And how did you come to that conclusion?"

"Because you stopped him," Thaal replied evenly. "And really, that's what matters to me. You stopped him. _You_. No one else could, but _you_. So yeah, I would beg to have you back. And I bet you dinner for a month that the _Legion_ wants you back."

"You can't afford to lose this bet," I told Thaal. "You should rethink this. I mean it; you cannot possibly afford--"

"Brainy," Thaal interrupted. "I can afford to lose. _You_ can't afford to _win_." With that, he spun around and walked away, and I was left to observe the children on the playground and think.

"_You_ can't afford to _win_"?

At present, I remain unsure as to what he meant by that…

* * *

A/N: Well, we're back to _this_ problem once again. Thaal nags, Brainy resists, and nerves are frayed... Hey, Brainy swore! Somebody rinse his mouth out with vinegar (since his mom won't and we know he can taste how bad it is this time)!!!!

Wait a minute; last time they argued, Brainy nagged and Thaal resisted. I'm getting confused... (uh-oh...)


	31. Entry 31

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**Entry 31**--

"You know, Brainy, it's really disconcerting to hear your voice come from the speakers when I'm trying to contact the Legion," Thaal said, approaching me and plopping down on the bank, a few feet from where I sat on a small boulder, staring at the river that churned below my feet. "It took me a second to realize it was COMPUTO…"

I raised an eyebrow, but otherwise made no response.

"You know, if they kept your voice as part of the whole Legion HQ, I don't think they hate you," Thaal said. "Unless there's no one there who's smart enough to change it."

"Violet or Chameleon boy could easily alter the synthetic voice COMPUTO is programmed with," I replied after a moment of uncomfortable silence.

"Nice creek," Thaal said. "So, I tried to talk to the Legion about you."

"As I predicted, they hate me." I told him. "At least, my hypothesis appears unflawed at this point. I was correct: They hate me."

"Actually, I think they hate _me_." Thaal corrected. "Lightning Lad-- or, I think it was him, I couldn't use any visuals or they would realize I'm too young to be a reporter-- anyway, he chewed me out, something about them having told the Daily Planet several hundred times that they did not know where Querl Dox, a.k.a. Brainiac Five was, nor did they have any idea if he was coming back."

"I don't even know if I'm going back," I said, "How would _they_ know? Why would you ask them that?"

"I didn't get a chance to say anything besides the fact that I was a reporter. And then Cosmic Boy-- I think -- tore into me when Lightning Lad was done, saying he'd asked us several times to stop requesting interviews, and they were very busy, blah-blah-blah, yadda-yadda-yadda, and no, they do not give tours of Legion HQ."

"That would be illogical," I said. "Someone could infiltrate our-- _their_ headquarters if tours were given."

"Yeah, but I still didn't get a chance to say anything before someone _else_ laid into me. I think it was Kel-El, the other superman."

"Superman X," I corrected him.

"Yeah, whatever, the Superman with an extra letter," Thaal said dismissively. "The clone. The one who's immune to kryptonite. Anyway, he decided he hated my guts, told me so, and promptly ended the transmission."

"You can't say that I neglected to forewarn you," I said.

"You just said they hated _you_, not _reporters_."

"Reporters _asking_ about _me,_" I replied.

"I think you're just trying to avoid the point," Thaal said sulkily.

"And the point is?" I asked, wondering why he was so irritated.

"The point is, you're not willing to take any risks! You're hiding, and you act like you don't have the guts to do what needs to be done!"

"_What_ needs to be done?" I asked, beginning to feel irritated myself.

"You need to go back to the Legion! That's what needs to be done!" Thaal insisted. "How many times do I have to say it?"

"I don't know," I replied. "I…I'm not ready, Thaal."

"Well you better _get_ ready," Thaal snapped. "Because I'm not the only person in the universe, or even in this galaxy, or even on this _planet_ that wants you back in the legion. You're a role model. Deal with it, and get back to where you belong!"

"Thaal," I said, finally looking at him, "I'm sorry. But…it isn't just that I need to know that they want me back… of course, knowing they don't hate me would be appreciated. However, there are things I need to work out, decide, learn, before I consider returning to the Legion."

"What is there to decide?!" Thaal demanded. "Or learn? You know more than I could ever know! How can you have anything more to learn?"

"Never mind," I said, returning my gaze to the water as it rushed past, churning and frothing in some places, gliding smoothly in other areas. To me, it seemed to be an accurate metaphor of thought… some things were easy to think, believe, understand. Other places, it seemed there was a large obstruction that created turbulence in that area and any areas surrounding it. Right now, it seems my mind is a river full of boulders and churning waters.

Before I can return to the legion, I feel I must remove some of these boulders, so that thoughts may flow more freely through my mind.

The more that I learn, the more I realize how little I truly know…

* * *

A/N: And it's baaack! I actually worked on some of this and Three question marks, although TQM will need some serious editing. I think I'm finally nearing the end of this fic. Soon I might be able to begin working on the sequel... yay!

Anyway, hope you liked this chapter. I did. Metaphors make me happy...

PS: This was originally chapter 29. Be afraid, be very afraid... (of what, I'm not entirely sure)


	32. Entry 32

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**Entry 32**--

"I've got signatures!" Thaal crowed, bounding into the tech lab, waving an Omnicom above his head.

"Signatures?" I asked, turning to glance at him.

"Yup!" he exclaimed, prancing over to where I stood. "Five hundred thousand, even."

"What for?" I asked, feeling slightly impressed at the large number.

"For _you_," Thaal said, handing me the Omnicom.

I frowned. "What?"

"Five hundred thousand people want _you_ to rejoin the Legion," Thaal said, folding his arms and glaring at me.

I dropped the Omnicom onto the counter with an ominous _thunk_ and returned to my work without responding.

"Including the founders," Thaal added, leaning over my left shoulder. "I got their signatures, three legionnaires that I could get to listen to me without hanging up on me because I was a reporter-- Kell-El was not among them-- and about four hundred ninety-nine thousand, nine hundred and ninety-four other signatures, _including_ a signature from the president of the UP!"

I glanced at Thaal, raising an eyebrow.

"Okay, so I might have lifted her signature from a form letter she sent me," he admitted sheepishly, "But it's still there!"

I shook my head slightly and continued with my work.

"Look!" Thaal insisted, shaking the Omnicom in my face. "Just look, already!"

"No," I said.

"What do I have to do to convince you to go back?" Thaal demanded.

"_Nothing_," I said vehemently. "_You_ are not the problem. _I_ am."

"_You_? A _problem_?!" Thaal demanded. "Says who?"

"Says _me_," I replied.

"Oh, please," Thaal snapped. "You're not a problem."

I sighed, bracing myself against the counter. "Thaal. I am not yet ready."

"Why? What could possibly hold you back?"

"_I_ COULD!" I bellowed.

"You could what?" Thaal shouted back.

"Thaal, how many times do I have to say something for you to understand me?" I snapped. "Ten times? Twenty times? One hundred times? I AM NOT READY TO RETURN TO THE LEGION. So please, _stop_." I folded my arms and glared at him.

"I just want to know _why_," Thaal said quietly. "You say you aren't ready. Why?"

I shook my head, turning and walking away.

Thaal grabbed my left elbow. "Don't."

I glanced at him. "What?"

"Run away. That's what you're best at, isn't it?"

I turned around. "What do you mean?"

"You run away from your past, your friends, _reality_. You don't want to face life, you're scared."

A tight smile stretched across my face. "Exactly, Thaal. I'm _scared_. Now you know. Leave me alone." I walked out of the tech lab.

"Wait!" Thaal shouted, following me outside, his Omnicom of signatures forgotten. "Brainy, what are you afraid of?"

"Do you really want to know?" I demanded, glaring at him.

"Yes," Thaal said seriously, "I do."

"I am afraid," I said quietly, "Of myself."

* * *

A/N: Sniff sniff... poor brainy! How can he be afraid of himself?! It just isn't right!!!!! Nyuk nyuk, stay tuned.

(wow... never, ever have a half-cup of earl grey tea with three tablespoons of sugar in it to wake you up... it makes your brain go all hyper and has you making weird noises... heh.)

Sorry this took so long to post, we're really getting close now, I promise. Maybe two or three more chapters left, and then the dramatic unveiling of Document 1278803-4576b! Yay!!! (Ah, sometimes my creativity amuses me... but my lack of creativity _ALWAYS_ amuses me.)

Stay tuned!


	33. Entry 33

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**Entry 33**

"Brainy, sometimes you make no sense at all," Thaal said, following me as I traversed the city park. "Come on, say something. Do you want me to buy you lunch? We can talk in a café someplace. Brainy? Brainy! Hey! Hello? Are your ears malfunctioning?"

"My ears are functioning at their optimum capacity," I said irritably.

"Great. So tell me, if you're afraid of yourself, then what do you do when you're alone with yourself at night? Do you cover your head and pretend you aren't there?"

I stopped suddenly. "Thaal, it wasn't a joke."

"It wasn't?" Thaal asked. "Then… why?"

"Why what?" I asked.

"Why are you afraid of yourself?" Thaal asked.

"I've seen how great humans can be… and how horrible. I know that I have great potential for good, and equal potential for evil. I chose darkness once. How can I be sure that I will not do so again?"

"Brainy, look," Thaal said. "That's it exactly. You _can't_ be sure. You're human. If you mess up, you get up and try again. If you do something wrong, you do your best to make it right. But you can't just _quit_, you can't run away. It isn't right."

"It isn't right to force me to do something I'm not comfortable doing, either," I snapped, whirling around to face him.

"No," Thaal said, "It's not. But I'm human. I'll make it right… someday." He smirked at me. "You can't allow your life to be ruled by fear or you will never _live_."

"I'll think about it," I told him. "But _only_ think. I am making absolutely no promises."

"Great. I'll be expecting that dinner soon," Thaal said.

"I just said I was making no promises!" I protested.

"Well, not yet," Thaal said. "But you will, soon."

I scowled. "How can you be sure?"

"You're a hero, Brainy. It's who you are. It isn't something you can run away from. If you don't find hero work, hero work will find you." Thaal grinned. "I'll be in touch. Don't forget to eat dinner."

"Yes, _mom_," I grumbled. "I won't forget."

"And clean your room; you shouldn't leave all those inventions lying around. Someone could get hurt!"

"Thaal," I said, "Enough."

Thaal grinned. "I'll see you soon. By the way, I enjoy foreign cuisine. Take me someplace tasty and expensive."

* * *

A/N: I am sorely tempted to upload the last chapter. Sorely. Tempted. But I'm too evil. On the other hand...

IT IS DONE!!! DONE!!! THE NEXT CHAPTER WILL BE THE ABSOLUTE LAST, FINAL!!! AND THEN THE SEQUEL!!!!!!

Sorry. I'm a bit euphoric. However, hope you enjoyed this chapter, and then the last one... ^_^


	34. Entry 34

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**Entry 34**--

I am still not sure what to think. A part of me longs to return to the legion. Another part of me wishes to remain in isolation.

I am confused.

I am afraid of myself, and what I am capable of doing. I am also afraid of my friends, and what I have done to them, and what they think of me.

I am frightened.

Never before could I understand the crippling fear that makes one freeze in place and stare in abject horror. The twisting, painful contractions of the abdomen, the sickening sensation in the stomach…

I do not know what to do.

I miss my friends terribly, but I also have new friends.

I was musing on these things when my thoughts were rudely interrupted by the loud racket that occurs when Arno and Thaal trip over each other and crash into my door. At least, that was what I discovered when I opened the door and found the two of them in a tangle lying just outside.

"We fell," Arno explained, attempting to disentangle his right leg.

"It hurt," Thaal added.

"I would assume so," I said, attempting to suppress an irresistible urge to giggle. Yes, giggle. Not laugh, or even the more masculine "chuckle". I was going to _giggle_.

"You would assume _nothing_," Thaal grumbled. "Let me tell you, you don't have to assume, I can give you market research to _PROVE_ that this disaster was painful."

"Market… research?" I squeaked, covering my mouth.

"Do you have a rat in your throat?" Arno asked, glancing up at me, his eyes peering around Thaal's elbow.

That did it. I stumbled back into the room and collapsed into a chair, laughing myself silly.

It took at least forty-five seconds for the two to finally find their own appendages, and another five seconds to get inside and close the door.

"It is _not_ funny," Thaal grumbled at me.

I could not answer, I was laughing too hard. The giggles had been replaced by guffaws, and I was laughing so hard that I was bent double.

"It's not funny! It is not--" Thaal froze. "Brainy, are you crying?"

"Wh-what?" I gasped, reaching up and brushing the side of my face with my fingers. "Oh…" I paused, I intrigued. "I have tears. But I am not sad…"

"It happens," Arno said. "Man, we must have looked funny out there."

"You looked ridiculous. And I have been thinking too hard. I needed a 'break'. I am glad you came," I said, sighing, though it was a sigh of happiness, not distress.

"So Brainy," Thaal said, "Can we get down to business now, or do you need to laugh at my expense a little longer?"

"Business? Of what business do you speak?" I asked.

"I speak of the business that I want you to busy yourself with busying… wait, what was I saying?" Thaal asked Arno.

"We both think you should go back to the legion," Arno said to me.

I stood and headed for my bedroom, my good mood vanishing instantly. "Goodbye, Thaal, Arno, I trust you can see yourselves out."

"Brainy, wait," Arno said, grabbing my arm.

"You don't understand!" I shouted. "I do not want to go back. I do not trust myself. I can not do it, I am not ready, _please_, don't make me. Please."

"Brainy," Arno said again, quietly. "Sometimes, being human means doing things that you feel like you can't do. Being human means facing your fears. Being human means… sacrifice. You have a duty, Brainy. You _need _to go back, and it doesn't matter if your ready _now_ because you never will be ready! Right now is when they need you, right now is when you can make a difference."

Arno sighed and released my arm. "Don't run away, Brainy. It only hurts you and the people around you who care about you."

I sighed. "I don't know what they'll say. I don't know what _I'll_ say. Do they even want me back?"

Thaal opened his mouth to say something.

"I know they _say_ they want me back, but do they really feel that way? It is simple to say things you do not feel! Please understand. This is… difficult."

Arno nodded enthusiastically. "And that's why we came up with a plan."

I frowned. "Plan? What plan?"

Arno grinned. "A plan to figure out if the Legion _really _wants you back. And a plan to get you back into the legion."

I frowned. "Tell me more."

Thaal grinned. "With pleasure!" with a flourish, he pulled out a chair. "Have a seat, this might take a while. We brainstormed all afternoon…"

I sat.

"So, anyway, Brainy, the idea is this…"

With one thought track focused on whatever harebrained scheme Thaal and Arno had concocted, the rest of my mind mused on a singular topic.

I hadn't ever really found myself. I still didn't know everything I wanted to, and something inside me seemed to say that I never would. What truly shocked me, however, was the fact that I _didn't care_ that I didn't know. And somehow, I didn't have to know.

Because I was going _home_.

If I have learned nothing else, I have learned that one doesn't need all the answers. All one really needs is to be known and loved, and have a place they can call home.

Home is not where I was born, or where I live, or where my friends are. Home is the place where I feel like I belong…

And I should never settle for the next best thing when I have a true home.

* * *

A/N: So there you have it! The end! Now... watch for the sequel!

On another note, this chapter feels a bit awkward, and I'm not sure why. Maybe it's Arno and his eloquence... I don't know... Anyway, I think I'll be posting the sequel shortly... as in, within the next few minutes...


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